Just A Hero's Game
by ToAshes
Summary: Hiatus til my muse returns. Don't hate me, I'm just bored with this.
1. It All Starts Here

A/N: I'm baaack! xD With another Jay/Happy fic. I told you, I would continue with the amazing Happy. This will follow season two events, with a couple of my own, seeing as the Nords were never fully **dealt **with in the last one. The same rules apply: REVIEW! Okay, so I meant to publish this sooner, but it was new years and I partying as much as a fifteen year legally can. Stayed up till 7:30 to write this for you then fell asleep at the computer xD

Disclaimer: I do not own SoA or Happy. Or Juice. I wish I did, but you see, that's illegal here in the U.S. of A. So...don't sue me, I'm making no profit off this. I also don't own any brand names I happen to throw in. However, Jayden and my OCs are exactly that, **my **OCs.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

Happy POV

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_"Love, loss, like a bullet's path, tear, through, the cavity of my chest. Lights, out, because the fuse was blown..." From Heads Unworthy ~ Rise Against_

**It All Starts Here**

"Finally!" A few weeks after our one on one, we were back home in Tacoma, back to Switch and Mace, back to a normal that I didn't think changed. We were away from the overly public Juice and Skylar, who found themselves 'in love' the second they met and were now all over each other. I hopped off the bike and followed close behind Happy, bags in hand.

"Amen ta that. I swear ta God, if I get stuck in traffic one more fuckin' time, Ima kill someone." He growled. The normally 14 hour trip ended up taking 22 hours, leaving us both on our last nerve.

"Stop bein' so melodramatic."

He glared for a second before shoving the door to the clubhouse open. I let him lead me inside, I wasn't up to fighting, all I wanted to do was sleep myself into a coma. The boys were asleep, except Gage.

"Welcome back, Hap." He stumbled towards us, trudging through a sea of empty beer bottles. Shot glass filled to the brim in hand, he sloshed vodka all over the floor as he tripped over himself.

"What happened ta ya?" Hap backed away.

"She left me, man. She fuckin' left. Said..." He hiccuped and downed the shot, moving back to the bar to grab the bottle. "...Said 'at she couldn't handle eh life" He slurred.

"Damn." Happy breathed out, prying the bottle from Gage's hand. "Jay, kin ya take my shit ta the dorm? I'll meet ya up there." He nodded to me and handed me his duffel.

"Sure." I placed a hand on Gage's shoulder to steady him as he tripped backwards. He plopped an arm across my shoulders.

"She's a keepah, man. Dawn let a go." He was getting harder and harder to understand.

Happy just looked at me.

"Dawn let a go, man." His tone became harsher as her repeated himself.

At first I though Hap was going to lose it and deck him in the jaw for talking to him like that, but his gaze shifted to me and the bottle in his hand. He shook his head and held his hands up. "I won't, man. I ain't lettin' her go anytime soon."

"'ood." He started to sway.

Happy took a step forward and caught him by the front of the man's t shirt as he fell. I grabbed one arm as he took hold of the other. We half lead, half dragged the nearly unconscious man and our bags down the hall, first to Gage's room. We dropped him onto the bed and closed the door behind us when we left.

"What was that 'bout?" I whispered on our way back to our own dorm.

"Joanne left 'im, I guess..." He shook his head and shrugged. "We all knew it would happen someday, she was a nice girl but just couldn't get used to the club"

I nodded my understanding and groaned. He took my backpack from my shoulder and opened the door and lead us inside. I collapsed on the bed, combat boots and all.

"Tired?" He chuckled as I only groaned and buried my face into my pillow.

I was only vaguely aware of him standing over me while my eyes fluttered closed.

~*~*~*~

I woke up lying on my stomach under a boxer clad Happy. He had his face buried in the back of my neck, one arm under me, one hand under my t shirt on my back, thumb tracing the still-healing scar. His leg was tucked between mine, leading me to notice that I was no longer wearing my boots or jeans.

"Relax. Nothin' weird happened." He grumbled into my hair when I flinched. That's when I realized I wasn't hanging off the bed.

I squirmed and wiggled under him. At first he didn't move, but then he tried to turn over. I rolled onto my back under him snaked my arms around his neck.

"You can be a bed hog. It's okay." I smiled up at him and kiss him lightly.

"Got cold last night."

"I'm from Jersey. Born in Colorado. I don't get cold that easily."

"Good for you."

There was no talking after that. His lips crashed onto mine, tongues meeting in a single sweep over his lip. He ran a hand down my body, where it found it's way under the black lace of my panties. His lips moved to my jaw and neck as he began stroking me, smiling at every moan. He found what he was looking for and slid two fingers into me but then, of course, there was a light knock on the door.

"Hap, you up?" A female voice with a slight British accent spilled past the door.

"Yeah, what?" Happy began moving his fingers in and out as he spoke.

"Your mum's on the phone in the office. She says she's sorry for not calling the cell but she lost the number. Should I tell her you'll call back."

"Shit. No! I'll be right there. Hang on." He instantly pulled his fingers out and wiped his hand on the sheets.

The day he told me about his mother was the day I found out where he got his stubbornness. He informed me about his mother and how she was in hospice but hated it to the point she refused treatment sometimes. I spoke to her on the phone once, when I mistook Happy's cell for my own. She seemed like a sweet enough woman. If you asked him, he'd flat out lie to you, but I knew he worried constantly about her and her failing health. When too drunk to keep his mouth shut, Tig told me that Happy's mother and I were the only two women Tig had seen get the hit man to open up. Something, I will admit, I was quite proud of.

He was out the door like Flash, shirtless, barefoot and still trying to buckle his belt on the run. Never had I seen a man run so fast, not even in my time in Iraq. I could just picture him not bothering to slow as he rounded the corner, stretching his arm to steady himself.

"Hey, Fay." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a moment, trying to calm my body down.

"Hey." She smiled warmly and tilted her head. "Do you have a job around here, yet?"

"No. Was guna look taday."

"When Hap's done, I'll get you set up in the office."

"Thanks." I smiled and stood, attempting to find something halfway decent to wear.

"Of course" With that she closed the door and left.

I ended up dressed in a black thermal and basketball shorts. I brushed my teeth and hair, clasped my gothic cross chain around my neck and fiddled with the pedant until it hung where it was supposed to. In the kitchen, I nabbed a bagel and gnawed on it as I walked to the office.

Happy was alone, still on the phone with his mom, sitting in the desk chair.

"Yeah, Ma....I'll bring 'er....yeah, you'll like 'er....I know ya hate it, but ya gotta listen to 'em, Ma, they're just tryin' ta help....A'ight, well, I'll talk to ya later than, okay? Did you write the number down?....Okay, just makin' sure....love ya too, take care, Ma."

He hung up the phone and hunched over, digging his embows into his knees and hid his face in his hands. Things with his mom always got to him. My heart broke to see him like this. Part of me screamed to turn around and pretend I didn't see anything. But the other told me to go to him, he helped me out a lot more than he knew after I was attacked. He kept me standing on my own two feet, I had to return the favor. That, and Fay was standing at the bay doors, the encouraging look on her face giving a strange contrast to her folded arms.

I padded lightly to his side, afraid that if I made too much noise he would go back to hardass biker. He looked up when I stepped in front of him and, to my surprise, wrapped his arms around my waist. Even sitting down, he could easily rest his chin on my shoulder, which he did. I slipped my own arms around his shoulders and leaned down to kiss him.

"Everythin a'ight?" I whispered.

"No. Doctors say she's close. She wants ta leave, doesn't wanna...be so far away."

I tightened one arm around him and ran a hand down his back, saying nothing.

"Promised her we'd go to visit sometime soon. I was thinkin' goin' Nomad for a bit, but I'll have ta talk ta Clay an' Switch 'bout it." He started to let go and sit back in the chair, his was going back to cold on me. "She wants ta meet ya."

I nodded and let my arms go slack. "Okay. Nomad?"

"You aren't attached ta a single Charter, just go to some meetings where ever's closest."

"Ah. So we live in a motel room for a while? I'm down."

"Nah, the hospice is a couple hours from Charmin', prolly just crash there."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah, but I gotta talk ta the guys 'bout it next time we see 'em." He stood from the chair.

"A'ight."

He left then, taking a few work orders with him.

~*~*~*~

That night, Fay and Switch were having everyone over for dinner. No one knew the reason behind it, or even if there was one. Well, at least **I **didn't know. Happy was showered and ready to go and grumbling about how I still hadn't found a shirt to go with the one inch slit skinny jeans I found in my drawer.

"Found it!" I yelled in triumph as I waved my favorite t shirt around.

"'Bout damn time." He mumbled while I pulled it over my head and over my cami.

"Shut up. We goin?" I questioned, twisting it so it fit the way it was supposed to. The t shirt itself really wasn't all that special just a plain sheer white, but it change to grey when it was over the black cami. It's v neck was pretty low, showing a good amount of cleavage, though it wasn't too revealing. My cross fell perfectly on my chest and became the focal point as it was a bright, blood red against plain grey. It was loose, flowing over me instead of clinging, which gave great contrast to the tightness of my jeans.

He didn't answer, only grabbed a hoodie, threw it at me and pulled me down the hall with him. On the way to his bike, I saw Gage roaming the clubhouse, a tired, distant look in his eyes. Switch came out the office as soon as we hit the parking lot. I pretended not to notice Happy hand him the little black box and Switch smiling like an idiot at its contents, only to shove it deep in his pocket as Fay, his girlfriend of three years, came out and wrapped her arms around his waist. I knew what was in the box without having to see and was happy as could be for them. But then my mind went back to Gage and what happened with his own girl. _This should be interesting._


	2. Forgiving and Deserving

A/N: Thanks for the feedback and alerting/faving. I love you guys too.

The usual disclaimer.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

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_"And I was the lucky one, the one havin' all the fun. Runnin' into the sun, the party never ends...And they said I couldn't love you, and that it would never last, he's just a crazy boy, just look at his past. And they said I couldn't love you, but that was just I lie, I couldn't love you more if I tried." Couldn't Love You More ~ Edwin McCain_

**Forgiving and Deserving**

So it turned out, Switch and Fay live like two blocks away from the clubhouse and we could have just walked there. But apparently, bikers don't give a shit about 'going green' and saving the environment. But okay, I can deal with that.

Walking into the house, the first thing I notice is the amazing smell coming from the kitchen. Somehow knowing that's where I should have been, I entered while Happy joined the boys in the living room.

"Hey, how kin I help?" I asked, approaching Fay.

"Oh, hi Jay. You could start with mashing these." She handed me a bowl of potatoes and a hand masher.

"Sure."

Only her and I were in the kitchen. She had enforced the 'no sweetbutt' rule, and from what I heard, could send the boys hiding like Gemma with a shotgun with she wanted to.

But, it wasn't long before another pair of hands came to our aid. Her name was Maggie. She was kind of short, not that I personally could talk about lack of height. Her long strawberry blond hair bounced in light curls down her back. She was thin, but not bony. She wore jeans that hugged her hips and a somewhat revealing tank top. Her voice was high pitched but not annoying. She was by all means a pretty girl and apparently came with Flame. I pictured the two in my head: Maggie and the pyromaniac with black hair spiked like Koz's but more deliberate and less bed head. They looked like the perfect couple. The more we cooked, the more she talked. Mainly about how happy she was that Flame finally asked her to come somewhere.

Fay was about to scold the young man until Maggie told us that it was kind of their first date, that they decided this would be best so the boys and us could approve of the blossoming relationship.

Most of dinner was already cooking and it only took the three of us an hour to finish which, was pretty good seeing as we were a girl short. But it isn't the dinner prep that I remember the most of that night.

Switch sat at the head of the table, Fay beside him. Kozik sat on her right, since he was SAA. Mace between Koz and Gage. Happy sat to Switch's left with me on the other side, another member they called Hammer next to me. D Bag was seated by Flame, who was playing with his lighter and showing off to Maggie, who, by the way, he had had his eye on for a while.

The mashed potatoes, pork chops, beans with bacon and corn on the cobs were passed around the table and piled into massive heaps on the plates. Don't ask me how those men could eat that much and stay as fit as they did because I don't believe I'll ever know. Especially Happy. Jesus, that man can put it away.

After dinner, we retreated to the living room for dessert and coffee. There wasn't enough seating so Happy leaned on the wall while I sat cross-legged on the floor, using his legs as a back rest. Flame sat with his legs outstretched in front of him next to me. He had just plopped his ass down when Maggie came over, handed Hap and Flame their desserts then stared down at him. He smiled at her when she took the spot on his lap, forcing his arms around her to hold and eat his food. We were all chowing down on probably the most delicious cake I'd ever had in my entire life and joking around when Switch stood in the entrance to the doorway. I honestly didn't even notice he left.

"Okay, guys. I'm not guna take forever wit some pussy speech but I want Fay ta get 'er sexy ass over here."

Fay's face turned a bright red as the spotlight was cast on her. All eyes followed her as she rose from her spot on the couch and made her way towards him. He stopped her short, meeting her where everyone had a good view. His hand came up and cupped the side of her face and he leaned in to kiss her. Knowing their surroundings, they made it quick, but the passion radiated through the room. He backed up slightly and took her hands in his.

"I got somethin' really important ta ask ya..." At that point, we all pretty much knew what was about to happen. Happy's legs straightened behind me as Switch got on one knee. "Somehow, you've dealt wit the club, the life and me for the past three years..." He took the box out of his cut and opened it, you could easily hear her breath hitch. "I'd like ya ta try forever. Will ya marry me, Fay?"

She nodded vigorously as he slid the ring onto her finger. From me vantage point, I couldn't get a good look at it. Not that anyone could before he stood and Fay wrapped herself around him. We clapped while he laughed at her reaction, keeping his arms locked around her.

That's when I felt Happy's large hand on my shoulder. I wasn't the only one to notice the look on Gage's face. He stood from his place in the recliner and slipped down the hall. I looked up at at Happy who just shook his head and slid his hand to the underside of my arm. He pulled on it to get me to stand. When I got to my feet, he spun me around to face him. He jerked his head toward the door. He ran the back of his finger down my stomach when I started to protest.

"Wanna show ya somethin'" He whispered.

I nodded down to Maggie in a silent goodbye, but she was too busy exploring the inside of Flame's mouth to notice. I just shook my head a gestured for Happy to lead the way. He raised his hand to the boys and nodded. The second the door closed, he had he pressed into the wall, a hand on either side of me. He caught my lips with his and pushed a knee between my legs. Pulling his head away, he picked me up to where I could wrap my legs around him.

"Fuck, Hap. This what ya wanted ta show me?" I half moaned out as his lips moved down my body.

"No..." His lips came off me and he loosened his grip, letting my slowly slide down him and groaning as I hit the obvious bulge in his jeans. "Come on." He grabbed my hand and half dragged me to the bike.

We both mounted and he sped off, even faster than usual. I had my arms locked so tightly around him they started to go numb. I was flush against his back, chin on his shoulder and watching Tacoma fly by us.

When we finally got to where ever it was we were, he shut the bike down and unsnapped his helmet but didn't dismount. I pulled my own helmet from my head and reached around him hang it from the handlebars. I squeezed my arms around him, rested my cheek on his shoulder and kissed his neck. His hand came back and cupped the back of my knee. There were a lot of trees and a tiny, overgrown, dirt path that led into them. The smell of the ocean drifted in the breeze, though you actually had to pay attention to it. The only sound was of the crickets and locutses hiding on the branckes and the light rustle of leaves. When the headlights went out, the quiet place was lit brightly by the moon, whose light flooded the area unhindered.

"Where are we?" I whispered, my eyes closed as I breathed in his scent.

"When I was a kid, I had a friend that lived aroun' here. Name was Will. I moved away after Dad died but promised 'im I'd come back ta see 'im."

"Did you?"

"Yeah. Every summer. We'd come here and run 'round like the kids we were. Then his mom died..." He swung his other leg over and began walking aimlessly along the path while I followed close behind. "His dad was a drunk. Got real violent all a time. So we ended up spending a lot a nights down 'ere."

"What happened?" I kept my tone soft, not wanting to push him away by sounding too demanding.

"His dad found us one night when I was...sixteen. We ran like hell when we heard his truck pull up but Will was never real fast. He tripped on a stick or somethin'." He shook his head as he continued to walk me down the trail until we hit another clearing. There was a rotting wooden cross on the far side of it. A cross that Happy was heading straight for. "His dad caught 'im. I just kept goin' didn't even look back ta see how." He crouched to straighten the cross and picked a few weeds from around it, tossing them aside angrily. "I coulda stopped it. I was always better in a fight 'an he was." I could hear the guilt in his voice.

The cross had a name on it. My heart sank as I read it, still standing over it. 'Will Benten. Brothers For Life.' _Jesus._ My gaze went to Happy, who was still on the balls of his feet tending to the grass, as I realized what I was standing over. The grave of his first best friend.

"Oh, God." I breathed, he heard it and flinched. I fell to my knees beside him and put a hand on his back, under the cut. "Baby, you can't blame yourself."

He jerked away from me and stood. "It's my fault he's gone. I didn't do a damn thing ta stop it. Not a goddamn thing. I was too much of a goddamn pussy." He growled, turned his head to spit away from the grave.

"Hap..." I tried to get him to come back, but he walked away towards another path, his head hanging.

I jogged to catch up to him and walked behind, this path was too small to be beside him. There was yet another clearing in the trees, this one holding a rickety, makeshift house. He stopped at the opening of the clearing. I nearly ran into him but stopped centimeters from his back. He stared at the planks grouped and nailed together and nodded to it.

"We'd drag a shit load up a junk food an' comic books an' baseball cards an' shit an' shack up in there while we waited for morning." He nodded towards it then ran a hand over his face as he took another step forward.

"Happy, look at me." I turned sideways to fit between him and the tree blocking my way so I could stand in front of him. He complied for a moment but couldn't meet my eyes. "It's not your fault..." He turned his head away from me again.

Figuring it was no use to comfort his obvious hurt with words, I stepped into him and snaked my arms around his neck. He tried to pull away but when I looked at him, I could tell its what he needed. I tightened my grip and he caved. He hid his face in my neck and shuddered. The moment was short lived as he pushed me away from him, breaking all contact.

"Why're you with me?" He asked, gazing down at his feet.

"You already know." I said flatly.

His gaze flicked up to me for a second as he considered my answer then shrugged.

"Hap...I love you, you know that. At least, I hope you do. This" I waved my hand around, "doesn't change that. I always promised myself I'd never fall for someone again. But ya know what? Sometimes, ya just gotta let shit go and take the next step. For me, it was being with you. And I'm not tryin ta tell ya ta forget 'bout him or what happened, 'cause I know you never could, but forgive yourself, you didn't kill him. And you sure as hell didn't get him killed."

He took my face in his hands as he stepped forward, kissing me in a way he never did before. "I don't deserve this" He whispered against my lips.

I brought my arms around his neck again and kissed him the same way but said nothing. We stood there in the trees, our lips locked, tongues not wrestling but dancing.

To be perfectly honest, I was glad he actually opened up to me for once. This was the first real thing about his past he told me. Sure there were other stories, but they were about how much trouble he got into in high school, nothing personal or emotional. The dam was breaking between us. It had been for a while, but it was really only one sided. Until that night in the trees, that to this day, I still don't know how the fuck we get there to visit Will Benten's secret grave.

We spent the night there, in that little makeshift house. It was a great place, add a real foundation, some new walls with drywall and running water and you have the nicest cottage in a great forrest area. Of course, that is, if you didn't know about it's history. There were still some blankets, though they smelled like mold from being soaked in the rain storms and winter and had bugs nesting in the folds and creases. But he brought some things with, a blanket, a bottle of booze and some matches. We burned random twigs and pieces of paper that littered the area and stayed wrapped tight in the blanket. Winter was coming, it was getting kind of chilly, but in his arms, in that fleece blanket..._bring it on Mother Nature, bring it the fuck on._

We made love there, in front of the small, flickering flames in the stone ring in the middle of the wooden house. I don't mean like the sex we'd had before. No, this was different. He cradled me in his arms, keeping me as close to him as was humanly possible as we moved together. He had laid the blanket out under me so I wouldn't get any splinters and held my hand at the side of my head, fingers entwined like the rest of our bodies.

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**REVIEW, please. I love feedback.**


	3. Breaking Tradition

A/N: So, thanks for the feedback and everything. For a moment I thought y'all gave up on me, but then I realized my phone wasn't receiving my emails. Now that's got me pissed, but that's okay. I'll get over it.

Also, if you're liking this, I highly recommend you read and follow the story "Oh Tacoma" by froggy411 ---It's absolutely amazing. And centers around Happy. Keep up the good work! I'll be watching my inbox...xD

short chapter, I know. Longer one coming next, promise.

**emphasis**

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**Breaking Tradition**

We were at a gas station not far out of town when his phone rang. He put it to his ear, nodded to me then the bike and walked off behind the building. My back hurt, my ass killed, and I pulled three splinters out of my shoulder but the night before it was more than worth it. I slid off the bike and pulled the gas pump out when it was finished filling the tank. Happy still wasn't back yet, so I made my way inside, taking the credit card he left and shoving it in a saddle bag. I was in the chip aisle, contemplating what to grab, when the door swung open.

"What cha gettin'?" I flinched as I heard his voice just over my shoulder.

"Jesus Christ!" I spun around to come face to face with Happy.

"Still a li'l jumpy?" He chuckled and reached behind me to nab a bag of potato chips.

"Shut up." I thumped him on the chest and snatched the bag from his hands. "Was that Switch?"

"Yeah." He left at that as he followed me to the counter.

At the counter, he reached around me to point to the only cigarette brand he smoked, Marlboro. The clerk, who wouldn't quit staring at me, grabbed two packs on starting handing them to Happy. I pushed his hand back, signaling him to place them on beside the chips.

"We're together." I smiled as sweetly as I could at the young man.

Happy nodded as the clerk rang up my chips and his cigarettes and bagged them. Then he left to go wait by the bike when I insisted on paying. He bought everything else, I was going to pick up the tab on this one.

"You really with...**him?**" The clerk asked, jerking his head towards the window. I found his tone pretty offense.

"Yeah, I am." My voice very matter of fact as I held out my hand for him to give me the change.

"Oh..." He shoved the receipt in the bag and slid it over the countertop.

Walking out the door, I could still feel the man's piercing green eyes following me. Happy must have noticed because he met me half away, reached in the bag and dug out a pack of cigarettes. He lit up and tilted the pack to me. I shrugged and stole the one in his other hand. He rolled his eyes, lit up a new one for himself, and encircled my waist with his arm, hand in my back pocket.

"Possessive much?" I laughed and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Fuck yeah." He walked me to the bike and we were off, again.

At the speed Happy rode at, we were walking through the clubhouse door in a matter of minutes, not that we were that far away to begin with.

The shop was closed so all the boys were sitting at the bar, waiting for something. Well, everyone but Gage and Switch. Dread welled in the pit of my stomach. _What the hell did he do?_ The Church doors were closed and I could hear voices coming from inside while I passed the room to get to a dorm. To see if Fay was around, actually. Or maybe Maggie. Someone to hang out with other than the obviously pissed bikers, clad in jeans, tees, chains and the ever present leather. As if on cue, the two women came laughing down the hallway.

"Hey, just the girl I wanted to see." The bride-to-be smiled and hooked an arm around my shoulders.

"Oh yeah? What for?" I asked.

"I want you to be my bridesmaid. My sister's coming in from London to be my maid of honor, but I want you in there too."

"You do know, you're one of the only people I will **ever **wear a dress for, right?"

"Only a sundress...We're going casual."

"Still." We laughed the rest of the way down the hallto my dorm.

"I gotta chage real fast. Be right back." I waved to them breifly. I had been hoping to take a shower before we left for the wedding shit. _Damn it. _Switch and Fay decided the sooner, the better. Meaning, when we came home with everything we needed, the next day they would tie the knot.

The three of us left the clubhouse and piled into Fay's Impala to grab some actual food and start the wedding plans. Maggie was new, not even an Old Lady yet, but the girl was off limits and close to Fay and I already, so she was more than invited to the event.

"Shouldn't we wait for your sister?" Maggie wondered out loud in the back seat.

"She sent me a photo of her dress so we can go around it. She wasn't able to get a flight in at a decent time to shop." Fay responded, motioning to the glove box.

Maggie and I nodded as the younger woman popped the compartment open and gently tugged the photograph out from under the rest of the crap. Switch had definitely been driving the car recently. After nodding in appreciation, she handed it back to me. There was a pretty, bleach blond in a glove tight, maroon dress with a black stripe running vertically down the side, just on the front side before her arm came down, a pendant hanging at the waist. From the picture, I couldn't make out what the pendant was of, though it was long and black and hung from a short chain.

"So the color scheme's maroon...?" I questioned, not knowing how the hell we were going to pull it off.

"No. Just darker colors. The boys will be in the leather, so I thought it suiting that we match, instead of running around in canary yellow next to a biker. You two are the only ones that really to have the same color, or close to it." She smiled in the rear view as she flicked the turn signal on.

"You don't like tradition, do you?"

"What is tradition than just a temporary fad? Fad's are meant to be left in the dust for something different. Why be the same as everyone else?"

"Wow. Never thought of it like that" Maggie interjected.

Fay only shrugged.

Okay, so maybe we could have somewhere a little more fancy than The Sunny Shore Boutique, but as Fay said, they were going casual. All we had to do was kind of match. She found a single strapped, white gauze dress that's hem waved around her knees. It hugged her upper body and stomach but flowed down the rest of the way, giving her that Marilyn Monroe look when she twirled around. It tied in the back with a black ribbon that came around her middle. The skirt part was split by her thigh up to her hip but had a beautiful dove pin that held the two sides together.

Maggie found her dress down the street at Baby Jean's Fashion Stop. That was a great little place, if you liked frills and ribbons. Her's was the least poofy one we could find, and let me tell you, we ripped that damned shop apart trying to find her size. It was a dark blue satin covered by sheer black lace. It was strapless and tight fitting all the way around and down.

Trying one more store, we turned the corner, bags in hand, to Never-land Apparel. There it was. The perfect dress. Maggie and Fay nearly squealed when they saw me inspecting it. I just rolled my eyes at them and looked for my size. Finding what I was searching for, I took it and head for the dressing room. It had a side zipper, convenient, yet severely annoying when the metal rubbed against your skin, but what the fuck, it was pretty. The satin was dyed a deep purple, almost to the point it was black but not quite. The back had a foe corset look to it, a thin, black ribbon lacing through the metal ringlets then tying off at my lower back. It was snug, but not as much so as Maggie's or Fay's sister's. Like Maggie's, it was strapless. The best part was, I could actually move around with being restricted and my cross would match perfectly.

It was late and we knew the boys would be starving. And with the mood we'd left them in, hungry was definitely the opposite of a good thing. So, we found a great Chinese take out place, ordered what we thought they would want and waited. We nearly sold the Ma an' Pa business out of chicken, rice and everthing fried. I was pretty sure we were the biggest order they ever had, and ever would have. That's a pretty weird feeling. You feel partly better than everyone else, then bad for the store owner. So, you end up contradicting yourself.

We were laughing when we entered the clubhouse again, only to practicallly drop the food when we saw what we did. D Bag, the only one in the bar, was on his knees with a rag, wiping up what looked like blood.


	4. Jack Daniel's and Chinese Food

A/N: the usual disclaimer.

Okay, so here's your update. I must say, I'm really disappointed in the lack of feedback.

There's a quote in here that states "_drinking like a stereotypical Irish man..._" That is, in no way, meant to offend. So, I'm sorry if you felt that way.

_thoughts_

**_past_**

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Jack Daniel's and Chinese Food

**Previously in Just a Hero's Game: **_We were laughing when we entered the clubhouse again, only to practically drop the food when we saw what we did. D Bag, the only one in the bar, was on his knees with a rag, wiping up what looked like blood._

"What the hell happened?!" I thought Fay was going to go into overload at the shock.

"Gage got drunk started bitchin' out your boys and well...Hap's got a temper." The young man with the crew cut seemed overly uncomfortable about the situation.

"What he do?" I sighed, shaking my head.

"Decked 'im. In the nose. Then the jaw. Nasty crack." He shuddered. _Of __**course**__, he has a problem with bones breaking. Don't all bikers? _I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes at him. "Knocked Gage out. Switch is at the house, Flame and Gage are in their rooms and Happy's...Well, I don't know where he went. Prolly for a joy ride."

The amount of blood suggested more than a mere two hits had been thrown and successful, but D Bag wasn't saying anymore about the subject. There was enough to conclude no one was dead, though someone's face had been rearranged in a very violently, bloody and most likely loud manner. Fay hugged Maggie and I goodbye and took some of the food with her as she left to interrogate Switch. Maggie and I sorted through the rest of the Chinese and divided them into three bags. One to go with me to my dorm, one to find an empty place in the fridge and the other to follow Maggie into Flame's dorm while she pried answers from him. Seeing as Happy wasn't around, I took care of clearing a spot in the refrigerator so she could go to her own man. I looped my wrist through the handle of the grocery bag and went back out to the bar, where I seized a half-empty bottle of Jack. I, for one, needed a drink and had no doubt Happy would when he finally came home, as well. That is, if he came home.

I could hear a man groaning in pain through one of the doors as I walked down the hallway. Putting my ear to the wood, I could barely make out his voice cursing to himself. A string of the most bizarre profanity I'd ever heard that should never be repeated. Ever. It was Gage, I could tell by the depth of the voice and the slurring of speech. Sighing, I continued down the hall. That man was in no shape to talk or have the daughter of a very well trained cop grill him about that night's events. I just maneuvered my key into the lock of my door when I saw Mace and Kozik heading swiftly towards me, probably on their way to the bar. I opened my mouth to ask them if they'd seen Happy, but Mace shook his head, shutting me up immediately. I shoved open, closed and relocked the door and set the food bag and liquor on the dresser. Pulling my shirt over my head, I dropped face first on the bed, turning my head so stare at the drawn shades. After blinking a few, rapid times, I got up, dragged a towel from the top shelf in the closet, retrieved my basketball shorts, and left the room again. I needed a shower, a so-hot-it-practically-melts-your-skin shower, to relax my muscles and calm me down a bit.

It took fifteen minutes to complete my routine, but I didn't get out yet. I stood under the water for a while. I had no plans on leaving, until I remembered the Chinese food in the bedroom and was brought back to the reality of my stomach gnawing on itself. Stepping out, I dried myself and changed. I slipped back into the bedroom and found Happy's pull over hoodie lying in the doorway, its warmth just begging me to snuggle up in it. Things begging usually make me laugh, but this time I caved. I couldn't help but yank the hood over my head, grab the bag and liquor, and settle myself Indian-style on the bed.

Just as I broke the chopsticks apart and start rubbing them together, to avoid any unwanted splinters digging a nice big hole in the roof of my mouth, the door swung open. Happy stood in the doorway for a few moments, looking tired, pissed, and had a cut on his cheek, which was no doubt a result of the fight. He took a step forward and eyed the bag and bottle sitting beside me on the bed.

"The girls and I got Chinese." I held the bag out to him.

He only nodded and peered into the plastic then took it from me, digging out the rest of the white containers as he sat on the edge of the bed, his back to me.

We ate and sipped the Jack Daniel's in silence, neither of us knowing exactly what to say at that point. When he was done with whatever it was he ate, he tossed the container into the mini garbage can we kept and held out a hand for mine. Once the thrash was taken care of, he sprawled on his back, staring up at the ceiling, for some reason unable to look at me.

"Hap, what happened? I know you're not guna wanna talk 'bout it, but still…"

He grimaced in response and stared a hole through the wall opposite the bed.

I sighed, I didn't want to push him, but I didn't know how to behave around the others without being aware of the situation.

I was staring down at the pink scar that decorated my knee when I felt the bed shift. Happy propped himself against the headboard and was running his gaze over me, his normally dark brown eyes now an even darker coal.

"Why is it such a big deal? You can tell me. I'm not guna up and leave. I couldn't even if I wanted to. My car's back in Charming." I tilted my head to one side and let my hair drape over my shoulder, running my fingers through it to make sure there weren't any snarls.

"It's a bond thing. We're supposed ta be brothers. How the fuck am I not supposed ta lose my goddamn temper with 'im talkin' 'bout you and the girls like that?"

"What he say?"

"Nothing…"

"Liar." I crossed my arms. Part of me really wanted to know what he said, another was afraid that if I did know, my relationship with Gage would be forever changed. And maybe not for the better. That part scared me. I didn't want to lose another friend over something stupid. A drunken rant was, without a doubt, a very pointless reason to ignore someone completely, but it happened all the time.

"Yeah, well." Was all he had to say before he turned away again, signaling the end of the conversation.

"Fine…" I took a deep breath and let it out while setting the now nearly empty glass bottle on the nightstand. "But I have another question…"

"What?" He snapped, obviously in an even worse mood than before.

"Why's Gage so hung up on this Joanne chick? I mean, it's not like there isn't a freaking mass of women that would love to land him."

He turned to me as he pondered the question. His gaze met mine as he spoke: "I think he really loved 'er. She's gone, now…It's like…" He paused and shifted to scowl at the ceiling, apparently not liking the image in his head. "It'd be like I lost you. I wouldn't know what ta do wit myself. He just so happens ta like ta drink when he's upset. Gets 'im in a shit load a trouble every fucking time. And he don't listen when ya tell 'im he's gotta quit gettin' so damn wasted."

It took me a moment to get past the 'it'd be like if I lost you…wouldn't know what ta do wit myself' part of his answer. But once I did, it made sense. A guy who does a lot of unintelligent things when drunk starts drinking like a stereotypical Irish man because it's only thing he knows what to do after losing someone he loves…Yup, I could definitely see how that kind of thing would land us in this sort of situation.

"Oh." Was all I managed to say as I wrapped my brain around it. I made no comment about the whole losing me thing, knowing he was probably hoping I didn't notice it. Though he should have known better.

He somehow managed to get himself out of his cut, zip up sweatshirt and t-shirt without sitting up. I'm telling you, that man is a goddamn ninja. Next thing he was kicking his jeans off the side of the bed and on his stomach, snoring like a bear.

A hand on his back and the other by his side, I leaned over him and turned off the lamp, the only light still on in the room. I pressed a kiss to his neck as moved back to my own spot.

"Night." I whispered.

"Mmmmhm." Was the only response I obtained.

I drifted off to sleep a lot quicker than I thought I would be able to. But as soon I did, I wished I hadn't.

_**I was balled up in the corner when Jake, his father and his father's colleagues barged into my bedroom. Thankfully, I was able to dress myself, even with shaking hands. My mother was blacked out on the couch, so she didn't know what was happening until the sirens jolted her awake to a bitch of a hang over. I was terrified of what was going to happen now, the questions flooding my brain to the point I couldn't speak. Where would I live? Would I be charged? Would they send me to prison?**_

"_**I-it was s-sel-self def-defense. I-I sw-swear ta G-God…I-I d-didn't want ta k-kill 'im. He j-just wouldn't stop!" I begged and pleaded, nearly falling to my knees as they ducked me into a squad car.**_

_**The tears nearly blinded me as they poured from my eyes and down my face. Jake's father, Ryan, only shook his head, unable to say anything.**_

"_**Oh my God…" I repeated over, and over all the way down to the police station.**_

_**Out the back window, I could see my mother. She was barefoot, her arms were crossed, tears rushed down her face as she glared at me through the glass. I didn't even want to think about what she would have done if I had been standing in front of her.**_

_**They walked me through the station in handcuffs, my head hanging, eyes wide and still sobbing and shaking, past all my father's old friends. They all watched in disbelief that **__**I**__** would be the one taking this walk that night when they were dispatched.**_

"_**It was self defense…He wouldn't stop…" I kept saying, even as they sat me in the interrogation room.**_

_**One of the men slammed his palm on the metal table, making me jump in the cold, hard chair.**_

"_**Then why didn't you call the police? Huh?! You had a phone." He said angrily.**_

"_**It wasn't the first time…you'd never believe me…h-he was one of you guys…"**_

"_**So we automatically wouldn't have believed you?! You should know better."**_

"_**You guys all look out for each other, that's what I know," I began, regaining my nerve. "I know cops aren't supposed ta kill their partners and cover it up. I know that they are supposed ta rape their step daughters to the point she shoots 'im 'cause he wouldn't let go. That's what I know."**_

_**The man stared at me for a moment. "What proof do you have of this alleged rape?"**_

"_**You wanna do a rape kit? It'll show ya everythin' ya need ta know 'bout your precise good ol' boy. He wasn't as angelic as you make him out ta be. And he sure as hell wasn't some kinda hero."**_

The dream ended there, cut short by a hand pinning my shoulder back firmly. I jerked awake and shook my head.

"Nightmares, still?" His voice was barely a graveled whisper slicing through the dark coldness of the room.

"Wasn't 'bout that…I'm a'ight. Really, I'm fine." I ran a hand over my face. "Did I hit you or somethin'?"

He grunted in response and rolled over on his side, bringing the pillow over his baldhead. I pulled the comforter up to my chin and clutched it tight. My eyes fluttered shut again, this time not to reveal any memory.

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**If you people don't start reviewing, I won't update for another two and a half weeks.**


	5. Confession

A/N: Usual disclaimer.

If you haven't heard the song Hero of War by Rise Against, I highly suggest you look it up or something. It holds a pretty important of this chapter. I needed a way to shed a light on all the baggage in Jay's past, but I'm not giving any more away. You have to read. buahahahaha.

Great job on reviewing, guys. :D Specail thanks to: ozlady, misscrys and running-wild for reviewing on every chapter. (if you review enough, you'll get mentioned here too)

_thoughts_

**emphasis**

Happy POV

_Happy POV (past)_

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**Confession**

She wanted to know what happened that night I beat the shit out of Gage. But I couldn't bring myself to tell her what he said. I had no idea how she'd react. We never talked about the might she was attacked or anything that happened afterward. She didn't want to and I always got too pissed off. So we left it as a "it happened, let's try and move on" situation. Which, I was fine with if she was. More than fine, actually. Crying women...Ugh.

_Gage, Switch, Flame and I stood around the pool table. The shop just closed, it was around five in the afternoon and the girls hadn't come back from shooping yet so we were all starving. None of us cooked. But Gage was already smashed. Flame and Switch were trying to distract him so I could pry the vodka bottle from his hand. The man didn't need any more liquor. We all knew how he got when he was hammered, more of an ass than Tig and I combined. A good lay, that's what Gage needed, not enough vodka to drown a shark. Thank God we were having a party the next day, that's how much longer we had to deal with him, not that bad. Well, that's what we thought._

_"Ya know, Flamie, t'at gi'l a yo's...S'e jus' a whore. Sw-" He hiccuped and pulled his arm away from me. "Sweetbutt." He slurred. _

_I could see the anger rising in Flame's eyes, it was pretty obvious as the green darkened. Switch just shook his head at the younger man. "Ya know how he gets."_

_"An' Hap. 'amn. How t'e hell ya 'eal wit' t'at? 'on't be su'prised if s'e 'ills ya. Col' blooded killahs a-" Another hiccup as he stumbled backwards. "attract, huh?"_

_I stepped forward, glaring at him. Warning him not to go any farther._

_"Ya know is 'rue. Bet s'es a seral killah. Kin'a like ya, Hap" He popped his lips at the 'p', sending pre-swallowed vodka spraying everywhere. "Gi'ls pysco."_

_Switch held his arm out to keep me from hitting the dumbass._

_"An' you!" He pointed to Switch. "Bet ya anyt'in' s'es got a hubbie in Englan' wai'in' fo 'er. Prolly t'inks s'es a get a s'it load a cash outta ya. Dumb bitch." He gulped down the clear liquid. "We s'oulda stuck wit eh sweetbutts. They give bettah head. Lot battah 'en yo' gi'ls."_

_That's all it took for Switch to drop his arm. In an instant, my right arm came up and swung, hitting Gage in the nose. I don't know how many times I hit him, or the other boys. All I know was that when we were done, Gage was out cold on the floor and pretty bloodied up. Switch pointed to D Bag._

_"Clean that up" The Prospect did what he was told._

_Flame looked at his hands and back up. "I'm goin' ta bed. If Mags comes by, she's allowed in. No one else." With that, he disappeared down the hall._

_"I'm goin' home. Tell Fay." He nodded then left as well._

_Koz and Mace were picking up a close-to-dead Gage and dragging him to his dorm when I wordlessly left. I needed to be on the bike, wind ripping past me. The girls would be back before I was, but I left no message for Jay. D Bag was a douche, as his name suggested, but he'd come up with something. And he knew not to say too much to them if they asked questions. And they would. Oh, God, they would._

_On my way around Tacoma, I saw Fay's car heading back to the clubhouse, but at the speed I was going, I doubt I was anything but a blur to them._

I couldn't tell her about that. She'd beat him down more than I did. Of course, I explained everything else to her, so maybe she wouldn't. But if there was anything I know about women, it's that you should **never **underestimate the power of a pissed off one. They become capable of some pretty fucked shit.

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Saturdays, you gotta love 'em…Except when you wake up to sore feet, a headache, and empty bed and that something's-going-to-happen-to-make-today-suck feeling in your stomach. My gut feelings were never wrong, and if this one was another example of that, I could definitely wait for those fireworks to implode and send an otherwise perfect day to Hell. This was going to be more than interesting. But an interesting that I didn't want to expose its ugly face.

The sunlight that flooded the room told me the sun was aligned with the window, meaning I had a few more hours until morning gave way to a slightly warmer afternoon. Apparently, I forgot to close the blinds again last night. So, I stood, squinting against the beam of light shinning directly into my eyes, and released my hair from the black hood that, somehow, still encased it. I really, **really** did **not **want to leave that room. So, I didn't. Okay, so maybe I was avoiding conflict like a child, but I was **not** in the mood for a battle of wits, words, and ultimately fists. Plus, the room was a big enough mess to horrify anyone, sane or mentally disturbed.

I swiped my ipod off the dresser, which was so cluttered you couldn't even see the glossy, wood surface anymore. Pretty sad, for a man who claims to move around a lot. But, I guess, everyone has his or her own domain. I didn't **mind** chaos caused by stray clothes and change, but, again, confrontation was not on my agenda. I would rather ruin my perfect Saturday with cleaning than with a bloody fistfight. Which says something about my fragile mood.

I put the music player on its shuffle setting and listened as Just Like You by Three Days Grace blasted through the ear buds. I moved to the door and nodded. This was where I'd start. Right here, then work my way to the window. Perfect course of action. Of course, I never really paid attention to those, just rather did my own thing. But the plan was set nonetheless for this one woman cleaning crew. I would spend all damn day in here, even if it meant enduring Happy's gripping.

Singing and sweeping around the room to the music, I somehow managed to get the dirty clothes off the floor and in a laundry basket for later and the rest into the dresser. As the last note of Green Day's rendition of I Fought the Law faded, I made a face. The next tune was different from all the others, softer and acoustic. I looked at the black, music-blaring box in my hand and my heart sank. It was a Rise Against song, which wasn't bad at all; I loved them, but the song itself…Hero of War. I stared out the window at the boys milling around outside, most with no work to do, some with emergencies they agreed to take, as I sang along and swayed to the melody.

"I lifted my gun, and I fired away. And the shells jumped through the smoke, and into the sand, that the blood now had soaked…" I hummed a bit until: "A hero of war, is that what they see? Just metals and scars, so dear proud of me. And I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust. But it's the flag I love, and the only flag that I trust…He said, son, have you seen the world? Oh, what would you say if I said that you could?"

Then it was over, and some Linkin Park song took its place, but I couldn't get those words out of my head. How true they were. People who found out I walked the sands of Baghdad and pulled the trigger, releasing the bullets to kill some many, it was as if they worshiped me. Like I was some kind of Goddess for doing the things I did. They kept me up some nights, still. The actions we took, they mess up your mind more than anyone else can see until you break. Over there, it was just like a video game, and I was the 3D character running around with a gun and a hand grenade, controller in the hand of my CO. And theirs was tangled in the trembling fingers of the government. You don't truly control yourself over there; at least you don't feel like it until you come home and see your loved ones running to you. By then you realize exactly what you did, and then you're disgusted with yourself. So bloody disgusted you spend enough nights in the bathroom, your head in the toilet until you're ready to drag a sleeping bag in there so you don't have to keep getting out of bed and wake up whoever is lying beside you. You can't believe they're still calling for you and showering you with affection. All you see is a monster, a killer, a destroyer of families much like your own. At least that's how it was for me. The first time was worst, but I leapt right into uniform when they told me I would, again, be deployed.

How could I be a hero? I knew very well the torture those men went through, and I willingly led them to it. Even took part in a few…**interrogations**. I shook my head and focused on folding the t shirt in my hands when I felt the bile slither up my throat as the images flashed in my mind.

I was so wrapped up in that song, and thinking about my time in Iraq, I didn't hear Happy enter the room. I didn't see him come to my side, didn't even notice he left the lot. He must have been there long enough to see my face as my stomach churned throughout my recollection because before I know it, I two, strong arms trapped me against a solid chest. I rested my forehead on his collarbone and breathed in the familiar sweat, motor oil, and smoke scent that wafted around him.

"What was that about?" He asked, letting his arms go slack after a while.

"Nothing." I lied.

"Liar."

"Yeah, well." I mimicked his words from the night before.

He rolled his eyes at me then sat on the bed. "Came ta get your lazy ass up."

"Okaaay." I shrugged. "Already up."

"Got that much. How long?" He waved his hand around the now almost spotless room.

"Couple hours, maybe."

"Hungry?"

"Starving. But I really don't wanna go out there." I admitted, picking up a few car and fighting magazines off the floor and neatly staking them on the dresser.

"Why?"

"Gee, I wonder." I said, tone thick with sarcasm.

"Fay an' Mags are out there." He coaxed.

"You an' Gage over your li'l bitch fight?" I crossed my arms and half sat on the dresser.

"No."

"Then I'm staying here until one of ya passes out or leaves. Until you guys make nice."

"Yes, mother." He mimicked my pose on the bed and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Oh, don't gimme that. Today is Saturday, my favorite day. An' I just spent it cleaning **your** shit off the floor 'cause I don't wanna get in the middle of somethin'. This shit is between **you two**, got nothin' ta do wit me. So, I'm not guna let you use me to dodge the inevitable. 'Cause when ya hold off on shit like that, it gets worse an' worse until it pops. Kinda like a zit."

He stared at me for a moment, concentration written all over his face. He was trying to come up with some smart-ass response; I could feel him put the building block together in his mind.

"I'm not leavin'. I'm a Marine, and I'm puttin' my foot down. If ya haven't noticed yet, I happen ta be one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet." I spoke before he could.

He nodded. "You have a favorite day?"

"Yes, yes I do."

His gaze met mine with a freakishly mischievous grin curling on his lips.

"What're you doin'?" I asked nervously as he stood and came slowly toward me.

He stared me down as a lion does to its prey. I turned my face to the side and stared up at him, giving him that what-the-hell-are-you-thinking-about look.

His hands supported his weight on either side of me on the dresser. He was close enough for me to feel his breath breeze across the top of my head then my face as he leaned down. But he never touched me. Just stared and watched as my eyes dilated and breathing became heavy at the thought of what he would do. He made no move to come closer, even when I whispered his name. Need and desire bubbled inside me as I waited for him to make his move. But he didn't. Nope. He pushed himself away from the dresser and went to the door, smirking as he stood idly in the doorway.

"You asshole." I breathed, trying to calm down. "Get over here."

"Nah. Don't think I will." He taunted, taking a step into the hallway and holding the door open so I could he him.

"Please?" I tried mock begging, seeing if that's what the fetish of the day was.

He shook his head. _Damn it!_ He was playing with me and laughed as I stood and took a step forward.

"If I promise to come out?"

Again, he shook his head and walked farther down the hallway.

"I'll throw something at you if ya don't get your ass in here," I threatened.

His eyes darkened while he chuckled but stepped backwards.

I picked a shoe up off the floor and chucked it at him. He caught it, turned, and walked towards the bar.

"Ass!" I yelled from the room.

"Yeah, well." I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"You suck!" I stepped into the hallway.

"That's your job, sweetheart." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Oof." Was all I got for belting the second shoe at him, hitting him in the gut.

"Jerk. Fine. Then I'm never leaving this room. An' you won't get any of what I planned for tonight."

That seemed to get him to change his mind because next thing I knew, he had me thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and was taking me back into the bedroom. After kicking the door closed, he flopped me down on the bed and got on his hands and knees above me.

"What, exac'ly, did ya have in mind?" He asked, leaning down closer.

"What time is it?" I ignored his question.

"Three?" He guessed.

"Hmm...I don't know if we should, then. You know, with the party tanight an' all...I dunno. I might need a while ta get ready..."

He kissed me, hard. "I don't give a fuck." He trailed kisses to my neck and nibbled at the underside of my jaw line.

"It's a wonder you get anyone, chick or not, wit a mouth like that" I commented.

"You love it." He mumbled against my skin.

"Never said I didn't." His hands started to roam and I had to put an end to it. Desire and need coursed through my veins, but I had something specail for that night. Fuck the party. That wasn't what I had to get ready for. "Okay, okay. Knock it off. Later, promise."

"Got a date or somethin'?" He didn't stop, instead lowered himself on top of me.

"Yeah, actually. I do."

"With...?" His knee pushed my legs apart.

"Fay and sexy photographer named Ty."

"He sounds gay." He hooked his fingers in the waistband of my shorts.

"He is."

He grunted and pulled on the fabric, bringing it down past my hips.

"Later, I promise. And I'll even go to the party and let ya watch me beat up some sweetbutt."

"Drunk and in the ring?"

"She will be."

He pulled up and considered the proisition. "A'ight. But we ain't leavin' this room tamorra til I say so."

"Deal."

We nodded, he stood and left. I stood, pulled my shorts back up and shook my head at the open door. _Ass._

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**A/N: Review or I won't update for...three weeks. Come on, I know you can click the pretty button for me.**

**I only ask you to do that because otherwise I get paranoid that people aren't reading and I feel no purpose to update. Review, and I get excited about continuing.**


	6. Waiting

A/N: Alrighty folks, for pics and a short Jayden bio and other shtuff, go to my home page (.com). There's stuff for all you hard core fans. Don't feel pressured.

Thanks for all the reviews. Sorry this is kinda short.

**emphasis**

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Waiting

"Are you serious? I have to go out **there** in this?" I wasn't **embarrassed **in the red and white mesh top and red lace panties, but they showed the scars, and I wasn't keen to walking out into the shop in it.

"C'me on, It's only us three in the entire place. And then Hap…" Fay encouraged

"Chop, chop. I haven't got all night." Ty chided, "I'm sure it looks fine."

"Okay, okay, keep your damn shirt on." I snapped, annoyed with the rushing. Pushing the door to the dressing room open, I ran a hand up and down my arm. "Fucking cold in 'ere."

"All the better for your man." Ty handed me a black trench coat looking jacket.

"If that's the effect you were goin' for, all I gotta do is think 'bout what he's guna do to me when he sees these." I grinned devilishly and high-fived Fay.

"Right, well. Uh, shall we, then?" His face turned a bright cherry red as he waved towards the bed.

Three hours. Three fucking hours. That's how long it took Ty to take a series of the most provocative photos of me, then of Fay. It was only supposed to take an hour and a half to 2 hours, not three. But then the sun was setting and I mentioned something about climbing the tree behind the shop. Next thing I knew, I was in a pale blue sundress, barefoot and sitting on the lowest branch of the tree. I was leaning against the trunk with one leg bent in front of me, the rough bark digging into the skin at the bottom of my foot and the other dangling off the edge, silhouetted to the sunset while Ty snapped the photos.

Fay and I, finally done with the photo shoot and talking about Ty shooting the wedding, dragged our asses through the clubhouse doors, laughing and predicting the reactions. Happy, Switch and Koz were off doing whatever before the party, so Fay and I made our way to our designated dorm rooms.

Once inside, I dropped the manila envelope on the semi-made bed and changed into jeans and a Staind band tee. I then pulled my hair into a sloppy bun and redid my make up. The door opened and the pull over hoodie I wore the night before flew onto the freshly clean floor.

"Excuse me. I just cleaned the damn room, you could at least **try **to keep it that way for a day." I chided as I bent to pick it up.

He watched from the doorway as I hung it up in the closet.

"Or don't. But next time it starts ta smell, **you're** cleaning." I winked and went back to the mirror, making sure everything was in order.

He remained silent while he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Okay, I forgive you." I rolled my eyes when he began nibbling at my neck. "Tonight, I promise." I breathed as his hands slipped under my shirt.

"It's tonight." He countered, sending a chill down my spine as he spoke.

"Okay, **later** tonight."

"Fine. But it better be damn good." He straightened up and blinked at our reflection in the mirror. "Ya don't need that make up shit. You look great wit'out it." And with that, he moved to sit on the bed.

"Thanks?"

"Mhm." He moved to leaned back and support himself on his hands but instead found the envelope. "What the fuck?"

"hm? Oh." I turned and half sat on the dresser. "Those."

"'Those' what?" He questioned, his finger running along the flap.

"Why don't you find out?" I waved my hand to the envelope. "Carefully! Jesus Christ, do you not know how ta open an envelope?" I scolded as he began ripping at the paper.

He shot me a look and pulled out the pictures. "Fuck, woman. Ya had ta show me these **now?**" He breathed as he flipped through them.

"You wanted to know what they were."

"Ya coulda warned me or somethin'. Fuck…"

"Said that already."

"Shut up." He stopped on one and stared at it. "Jesus fucking Christ, why didn't ya do that before?"

"Do what?" I asked while I pushed myself off the dressed and sat on the bed beside him. I leaned over, one arm around him, the other hand on his thigh to see which photo he was staring at. "Oh, that one."

In the picture, I was lying sideways on the bed with my feet, which were in strappy heels, on the wall, one high the other bent around the height of the bed. One hand was under the mesh of the top and pulling up while the other ran up my thigh. My head hung off the side of the bed, exposing the skin of my throat.

I felt him squirm and looked down at the bulge forming.

"You really like that one, huh?" I laughed.

"I like 'em all." He groaned. "You let him see ya like this but not me?"

"One, he's gay. Two, I got these done, for you." I kissed his cheek and ran my hand up and down his leg.

"Christ, don't do that." He groaned again and flipped to the next picture.

"Oh, those weren't supposed to be in there…" I reached to slip it from his hand but he pulled it back.

"Why not?" He turned his gaze back to the glossy paper.

This was one of the photos of me on the tree. My head lolled to the side against the tree trunk and I was looking at the camera, a peaceful look in my eyes.

"I love this one." He shrugged.

"Really? They were just random. Not planned…"

"I don't care. You look so…damn." His hand found its way up the back of my shirt.

He turned his head and kissed me, pulling my onto his lap as he placed the photos to the side.

"So, worth the wait?" I smiled nervously as he lay down while I continued to straddle him.

"Fuck yeah. Just wish there wasn't that goddamn party."

"I know, but it's for the engagement, we gotta go."

"Can we get back early? I don't think I kin wait all night. An hour's pushin' it."

I laughed and shook my head at him. "A'ight." I leaned down and pressed my lips to his ear. "Don't think I kin wait that long either…" I planted a kiss to the side of his neck then slid down his body.

He groaned then growled when I stood up at the foot of the bed.

"Later." I laughed, straightened my hair and clothes, and left him in the room, lying on the bed with half of a hard on.

"Hey guys." I nodded to everyone I knew in the bar.

They nodded back as I hugged Maggie.

"D Bag! Get the lady a beer." Happy called as he entered.

A second later, I had a cold beer in my hand. "Thanks."

"Uh huh." With that, he was back behind the bar.

That's when I noticed Gage in the corner.

"How's he doin'?" I asked Mace who only shrugged. "you're no help, ya know that?" He shrugged again, so I found Kozik sitting at the bar. "How's Gage doin'?"

"Who knows? He don't talk ta anyone, just sits there, new bottle every twenty minutes." He shrugged.

"What did he say? Hap won't tell me." I took a pull on the beer.

"Prolly better off that way. If Hap won't say, neither will I. He thinks its best you don't know, so..." He pinched his thumb and index finger and twisted them against his lips like a key in a lock. "I'm not talkin'"

"Ass."

"Hey," He held his hands up. "I happen to enjoy life."

I rolled my eyes at his implication. "Fine."

Happy came up behind me and trapped me between him and the bar. "What you two whisperin' 'bout?"

"You, duh" I turned to face him on the stool.

"Oh yeah?" He quirked his eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Nothin' too bad, I hope."

"Oh, it's pretty bad." I grinned at him.

"How bad?"

"Pretty fucked up"

"Hmm"

"Uh, Ima go then." Kozik spoke nervously, standing and walking away.

"You hear somethin'?" Happy questioned.

"Yeah, I heard a party behind you." I ducked under his arm and walked back to the crowd and plopped on the couch.

_This is guna be a long party._ I thought as I held Happy's hungry gaze from across the room.

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**Review or I wont update for a month. All of you. Please?**


	7. Watch Those Fangs

A/N: Okay, so first I must repent for making you people wait so long then bribe you for forgiveness. Mainly by updating every day until Tuesday. Thank God, I don't have homework.

Part of this chapter is, basically, one giant metaphor and a definite dark moment. Okay, like depths of Hell dark. Demonic. Satanic. I swear to you, I am not a devil worshiper and my characters aren't either. (Not that that's a bad thing.) So without further delay, I shall end my useless rambling and share a new chapter with you. :D

Credit given where it's due: schwa-gotchaxD, for helping with corruption of the puppy-dog face.

**emphasis**

* * *

**Watch Those Fangs**

Happy leaned back against the bar, beer in hand. One leg was stretched straight ahead of him so people had to give him space or face plant into the hardwood while I sat on the couch beside Maggie. I stretched my legs out and propped them on the coffee table, crossing them at the ankles. Gage was in the other corner, drinking his liver into oblivion and doing his best to keep the purplish ring around his eye and split lip hidden. Part of me wanted to be sure he was all right, emotionally speaking, but the look Happy flashed kept me nailed to the couch. As if the tension wasn't strung tight enough, some sweetbutt decided she would make a pass on Happy after he downed a few shots and a beer.

I recognized her, not that it was hard with all the half naked women running around the clubhouse. Mace and Flame laughed at her expense almost every day. If I didn't know better, I'd pity her. But she got herself into the mess she was in, and I knew, without a doubt, she'd found herself twisted in the sheets I now shared with Happy. That was all it took for my blood to boil as she approached him, baring those metaphorical claws and fangs. I held my breath, waiting for the nuclear reaction. If it didn't come from him, the blast would come from me. I was like a caged animal at the zoo that just broke free of its chains, hungry for blood, seeking revenge against its captors, or in this case, the whore about to sink her talons into Happy. From what I'd heard, she was relentless, brutal even, when it came to getting what she wanted. But she wasn't going to get my man, I didn't give a damn if she'd had her eye on him since forever and was a psycho stalker. Jealous girlfreinds can get just as crazy, mix crazy with Marine...Night Night, Dollface.

Though I couldn't make out her words, I could hear her voice, silky smooth as she spoke to him. But then again, so was the serpent's as he tempted Eve. So was Eve's as she convinced Adam of the benefits of sweet knowledge against the disadvantages of preposterous ignorance. That's what this woman was: a temptress, evil in disguise. Nothing more.

He jerked his head my way, his lips moving to form syllables and words, inaudible to my ears. But, as any other witch, she refused to back down. The bitch snaked her tiny, t-rex arms around his waist, pressing her boney, food-deprived, dehydrated body into his side. He lifted his arm, face distorting in disgust, and pushed her backwards from him, giving her the don't-fuck-with-me look he was infamous for. She made a face, which I'm guessing was supposed to represent the puppy-dog pout, but her face instead twisted to the most demonic, horrific expression. Her eyes lost any faux innocence or twinkle they once possessed, replaced by pure lust, for blood and sex alike. Her gut-wrenching pout could have fooled anyone into submission, until they peered deep enough and found the growing fangs. Sheer, liquid evil streamed from the pores in her face, transforming her into the troll she was.

He gripped her shoulder and spun her to face me, causing a wince of pain to cross her features. Motioning for me to come to him, he growled into her ear, his words cutting through her like daggers, forcing her demon eyes to inflate into giant, mud-filled water balloons. Arms crossed over my chest, I took my time before gracing them with my presence. With my back straight and rigid, death glare in my eyes, stride quick and wide, I stepped well into her personal space.

By now, the scene had attracted an audience, sipping on beer, whiskey, and tequila, munching on whatever happened to be eatable and in reach. Her face red, her breath came in short, shallow spurts, her chest heaving. Already worm-infested-dirt colored eyes darkened further, the Devil herself wriggled free from his fingers, drawing closer until our noses practically rubbed hard enough to give friction burn. Hellish heat and the smell of puke, smoke and a fruity pussy drink wafted around her, causing my stomach to churn even more.

"Ya think you kin c'me in here an' take anyone ya want? Ya think you kin stop 'im from bein' wit me?" She hissed through clenched, sharpened teeth.

"I only want him." I countered, words coming out a hell of a lot calmer than I felt, as I widened my stance. Honestly, my guts were twisting and tying together until they were one massive knot, not because I was nervous, but because I had yet to put a fist in that cocky grin of hers.

"Well, too late, I got here first. Go fuck Koz. Or the poor guy in the corner, whatever his name is." Venom dripped from her voice, teeth and tongue, burning my skin as demon saliva met human flesh.

"Don't think my man would appreciate that very much." I spoke while wiping the spit from my face. God only knows what bacteria and diseases she'd infected me with. My voice cool as ice, eyes even colder, I placed a threatening hand where Happy's left dark bruises. "You're the one that's too late." My fingers and nails dug into her heated flesh, nearly drawing thick, warm blood. "Back off and find someone else to whore yourself out to. And maybe…" I released her shoulder, running my fingertips down her arm, "I'll let you walk out of here with only a noticeable limp."

Muddy brown orbs bored into me as she stared, trying to intimidate me. I could almost feel the remnants of my soul being vacuumed from its place in my body.

"That look makes me think you wanna fight." I grinned, putting her genuine evil smirk to shame as it fell from her face.

"Fine." She spat.

My gaze flicked to Happy, who seemed to be having the time of his life as he watched Lucifer and me get into it.

"Gladly." She brought my attention back to her.

"Ya shouldn't be so quick to rush into somethin' you can't handle." I laughed.

"I kin handle a fight with…**you**." She crossed her arms and spread her legs to match my position.

I laughed again, hooking my leg around hers. I pulled it forward and grabbed her throat and the short belly of her tank top, leaving her on her heels, my fingers the only things keeping her off the floor. "Ya sure 'bout that?"

She gulped and reached for my hair.

"Ah, ah! No pussy fighting." I growled, flipping her over so I was straddling her legs, balancing her malnourished body on her toes and using my arm as a vice around her neck.

Her arms flailed about uselessly, pleading for release. She choked and I clenched a fist around the back of her shirt, bring her up just enough to keep her from blacking out.

"Told ya, ya shouldn't rush inta things." With that, I threw her to the ground, face first and rustled my hair.

She thudded and skidded a bit before rolling over and standing again.

"What? Ya want more? That," I pinched her bleeding nose, surprised the blood wasn't black, green or some other strange color, "was nothing compared ta what I coulda done."

She yelped at the pressure and stepped back into the bar. "Crazy bitch!" She cried out, holding her nose.

"Yep." I nodded once then glanced at Happy.

He had polished off his beer and was now clapping at the performance. I shook my head at him and chugged down the rest of my own drink. She ran to the bathroom to shove toilet paper up her flaring nostrils. Koz followed her, partially to make sure her nose wasn't broken, mostly to see if she'd still blow him.

I sat in the stool beside Happy and leaned back against the bar.

"Wasn't the drunken cat fight I was expecting…" He began, opening yet another beer.

"Ya want me ta drag out another one and break the table? I kin do that." I ran a hand over my face, sighing loudly.

"Ya ready ta **our** night started?" He turned to me, grinning playfully, and jabbing me in the arm with his beer bottle. "That fight…Plus you bein' the tease you are…" He leaned over to bite my neck gently, explaining his question, as if I didn't already know kicking that bitch's ass turned him on.

"What are ya? Fifteen?" I laughed.

"Nah, just want you, in my bed, right fucking now." He grunted.

"Well, that's subtle." I rolled my eyes and took the bottle out of his hand, swigging it.

"Don't have ta be." His dark eyes followed my every movement.

"Such a goddamn charmer. A'ight, c'me on, playboy." I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and hopped of the stool.

He twisted his hand so he was the one grasping my arm but let me lead the way to our dorm.

"If ya don't quit it, I'm never guna get the damn door open!" I laughed as he nibbled relentlessly at my neck and shoulder.

"Then hurry up and find the fuckin' key." He countered.

"In my pocket, ya wanna get it?" Hands over my head, I pushed on the door, pressing my back into his chest.

"Front or back?"

"Why don't ya find it yourself?"

"Fucking tease."

"Hell yeah." I laughed again.

His mouth continued its assault on my neck as hands roamed down. He cupped my ass then slid a hand into each pocket, massaging briefly. Finding nothing but denim, his hands slipped from my pockets and up the back of my shirt. They came around my waist. He left one hand on my belly and moved the other to the front of my jeans. His index finger wiggled under the flap and ran over the zipper while his thumb circled the button. I pushed harder as his hand traveled lower, rubbing through my jeans.

"Jesus, just get the fucking key, already." I gasped.

"In a hurry?" He chuckled, rubbing harder.

"God, yes." I hung my head.

His hand on my stomach migrated up and fiddled with the front clasp of my bra. Holding myself with one arm, I grabbed his forearm and pulled it out of my shirt.

"Not in the hallway. Hang on…" I tugged on the hand between my legs, "Jesus Christ, would you stop? Just for a second?" I almost begged.

His motions stilled as I unlocked the door and yanked it open. The second the latch clicked, I was shoved roughly into the wood. My jeans, panties, t shirt, and bra were gone in a matter of seconds, no light kisses tonight.

He broke contact for a moment then was back, skin to skin, his knee opening my legs wider for him.

It was definitely not part of my plan for that night, I was going to drive him crazy, make him go out of his mind trying to get what he was looking for. But instead, with one arm outstretched against the door and the other around my waist, he found it. His face buried in my neck, biting and sucking my skin, he came in from behind. Visions of me flat on my stomach in a hotel flashed into my mind but I pushed them away, willing myself to enjoy the sensations he was creating.

He shifted slightly, so I was holding onto the doorknob and the other side of the doorframe, one hand gliding up my body, the other traveling in the opposite direction as he pumped into me. The first hand stopped at my breast, massaging them before pinching, pulling, and tweaking each hard nub. The second slid to where we were joined, fingers working purposefully. I moaned, feeling the liquid heat pooling in my stomach, but before I had a chance to revel in the euphoria of cumming around him, he pulled out and spun me around.

"If you were plannin' on doin' somethin' special—"

I cut him off, kissing him, letting our tongues battle for dominance over the kiss. Hands on his shoulders, I pulled myself up his body and tightened my legs around his hips.

"Fuck the plan. Don't you dare stop on me." I panted, leaning in to kiss him again.

He resumed thrusting, grunting softly as a response to my words. I moaned louder as his lips encircle my hard nipple. His pace became almost erratic and I could tell he was close, which was a good thing because I was too. My back arched, head leaning against the door and his name being torn from my lips as I came. He pumped in and out before pulling completely out. I whimpered my protest only to have it morph into a gasp of pleasure as he thrust in, making me take all of him while his own orgasm washed over him.

He rested his forehead on my shoulder, trying to regain his breath.

"Hope you don't have plans tomorra." His voice husky and raspier than normal as he walked us to the bed, sat, and laid down on his back.

"Why's that?" Hands on his shoulders, I began to rock on him.

"'Cause this is gunna take all night." He grunted, hands finding my hips again.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his whispering: "Not just tonight."

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**Review and I promise to be nice and bribe you more often. If you dont, I'm going on vacation. dun dun DUN.**


	8. And So It Begins

A/N: Okay, I know what I promised. But writer's block + family plans = no updates. Sorry. Damn not being in the loop.

Anyway, I realize some of you might not have liked the whole metaphor and for that, I'm sorry but I was pissed, caffeine and sleep deprived. I will be making references to it, just to tie it into the story, so yeah. But it was just a metaphor, the chick wasn't actually Satan.

When I said this'll follow the plot line, I actually thought it would, but the more I wrote, the more I decided to save that for later.

**emphasis**

**_past_**

_thoughts_

letter

* * *

_"So long, this is goodbye. May we meet again in another life. Like strangers, passing by, may we see clearly in a different light." So Long, Goodbye ~ 10 Years_

**And So It Begins**

I woke in a mass of tangled sheets and draped over Happy. His arms locked me in place over him, my face buried in the crook of his neck. A layer of sweat glistened in the faint moonlight coming through the window while he slept. I pressed a kiss to his neck, rolled over and sat beside him. Looking out the window, I felt a longing to go for a jog. Part of me scolded me, reminding of last time I went out for a run in the middle of the night, at which I winced. But the other part soothed me, reasoning that it happened in Charming, this is Tacoma, those Nord bastards aren't **here**. I sighed and stared back down at my feet. Night jogging always helped me clear my mind, and the brain was definitely cloudy as hell at the moment what with the Gage thing and the attack each finding the worst times to pop up. I glanced back a Happy. _No, he wouldn't...would he?_ Getting up on all fours over him, I couldn't resist kissing his slightly open mouth. He blinked a few times then grinned up at me.

"What round is this?"

"I dunno." I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth.

"What's up?" He asked, fixing part of my hair.

"Go for a jog with me?" I sat up on my knees and waited hesitantly for his answer.

"Right now? Jesus, do you ever relax?" He teased, putting me a little more at ease.

"Please?" I chewed my lip a little more.

"Fine. Why though?" He waved me off him so he could get dressed.

"I like jogging at night but ever since...ya know, I don't think I kin bring myself to go alone." I admitted staring at the floor, a little ashamed to look at him.

"Hey. Look at me." He knelt in front of me. "Ya don't gotta go alone if ya don't wanna. I'm here, and the boys love ya, the girls think your the best, you're never guna be alone. Promise."

I nodded and stood to get ready.

We left shortly after, me in sport pants and a tank top, him in his baggy, slide-off-his-ass jeans, a reaper t shirt, and the leather cut.

"The fuck?" He stopped at the office and ripped a piece of paper off the door. On the front of the paper "POWELL" was written in a familiar chicken scratch.

"Shit, gimme that" I reached for it but he held it over his head, using our height difference to his advantage.

"Why? What is it?"

"Nothing, just give it to me" I jumped and almost caught it but he switched hands. "Hap, I'm fuckin' serious, hand it over."

"Not 'til you tell me what it is." His eyes went dark, boring holes into me.

"I don't know what it is, just hand it the fuck over. It's **my** name on it, not yours."

"Ooooh, testy now, aren't we?" He lowered it to my level.

"Shut up." I yanked the paper from his hands and shoved it deep into my pants pocket.

"What, you're not guna read it? Ya just went through all that ta put it in your pocket?"

"I'll read it later." With that, I began my jog, leaving him to wonder what was going on.

**_"We'll find you, bitch. This ain't over yet!" The last thing I heard in New Jersey. One of Kelly's girls shouted it out when they saw me at a local coffee shop. They must have thought they killed me instead of just severely injuring my leg. Great._**

**_She was right, it would never be over. Not until I was dead or all of Kelly's minions._**

As we made our way through town, I prayed Happy didn't see the fear and anger rising in my blood. I left out a bit from what I told him, another reason Kelly wanted me dead. She happened to be Joseph Lawerence's girlfriend at the time of the fight. Small goddamn world, huh? I'm pretty sure the two of them broke up shortly after though, at least I hoped they did.

But Happy did notice something. His fingers wrapped around my wrist and he practically dragged me into a nearby alley. He backed me against the wall and trapped me in, a position he knew very well I hated.

"You know what it is don't ya?" He asked, an accusing tone in his voice.

"No, I don't." It wasn't **really** a lie, just a half truth.

"Liar." His eyes narrowed at me. "It's serious, I can tell. But if ya ain't guna tell me, how the fuck can I help?"

"You don't." I tried to duck under his arm but his other hand caught me.

"What's goin' on? It involves the club now, they put that on our property." He growled.

"All 'bout the goddamn club. It has **nothing **to do with you. Don't fucking worry about it." I kept my tone stern and face cold.

"Let us determine that." His hand tried to go to my pocket inconspicuously, not expecting me to swat it away.

"No. I can already tell you, it's not a threat to you guys."

"Oh, so its a threat to **you**." His eyes searched mine. _Goddamn it._ I didn't actually expect him to catch my implication.

"Maybe."

"Don't gimme that shit!"

"I told you: Don't fucking worry 'bout it. It's nothing that concerns you." I turned my head away and stared at the street.

He sighed heavily before he spoke again. "If it's a threat, it definitely has to do with me." He lowered his voice and shifted his weight. "'Specially if its against you."

I put a hand to his face. "I'm a big girl, I can handle myself." I kissed him lightly. "Don't drive yourself crazy over this, it's nothing, really. I'll be fine."

He grabbed my biceps. "You sure?"

I nodded and squrimed away from him and back to the street, where about five people had been watching us.

"Get a good veiw?" I asked a younger man who was gaping at me.

Hap and I continued on our way but I could sense his overprotectiveness radiating off of him as his eyes sweeped our surrundings.

We made it back to the clubhouse about two hours later, the sun just starting to rise. Heading to our dorm, we, again, steeped over and somehow made it through the maze of druken men and naked women.

"Do you ever miss it?" I whispered quietly as he unlocked the door.

"Miss what?"

_Damn it, he heard you. _"Ya know, the girls and shit."

He shrugged. "Not really. You're not as controlling as a lot a other girls."

"What da ya mean?" I sat on the bed and tilted my head.

"I'm still 'llowed ta drink myself sick if I want, ya don't shun the club life." He stripped down to his boxers. "An' you're a hell of a lot hotter than any of them and their goddamn Barbie make-up" He crawled over me, pressing his lips to mine.

I lay back on the bed, our tongues battling as always, but this wasn't the normal kiss from him.

"Ya know, ya could at least pretend you're guna see me again." I teased when we broke the kiss, breathless.

"Well wit whatever that piece a shit says, I might not."

"You already read it, didn't you?"

"How could I have?"

"It was retaped when he ripped it off the door. And I couldn't even see that far and you noticed it. You already knew it was there."

"Okay, yeah." He admitted.

"You wanted to catch me in a lie. Shoulda known that's what you'd think." I pulled away and crossed the room.

"No, I wanted ta see if you'd tell me the goddamn truth. Which you didn't, by the way." He trapped me against the door.

"I didn't lie to you!" I defended. "Maybe I didn't tell you everything, but what was I supposed ta do?! 'Oh, by the way, I have a bunch of pyshco women out after me that'll prolly kill you too.' That's a great conversation starter."

"Maybe it's not, but we still needed ta know!" His voice was razor sharp.

"I have enemies, you knew that--"

"We thought they gave up!" He cut me off, temper flaring.

"You **assumed** they gave up! I never said that they weren't after me!"

"You never gave us a reason to think they were!"

"I told you the reason I left Jersey was 'cause of bitch." I crossed my arms over my chest.

He remained silent, his cold, dark eyes searching for something.

"Fuck this." I turned from him and swung the door open.

"The fuck you think you're goin'?!" He shouted after me.

"I'll be back tomorrow for my shit." I stalked down the hall and out the door.

I didn't want to leave **forever**, I just needed some space. Sure, I could have told him everything, I didn't have to be so damn cryptic with him, but there were still parts of my past that were sore subjects and I knew he'd want to know every detail.

Once I was clear from the garage and sitting in a little park area, I took the paper from my pocket, unfolded it and read it.

Told you we'd find you. The boss is out now, just thought 

you'd like to know we won't be fucking up again. She'll do it 

right, no evidence. That man of yours won't even know you're 

gone. Don't bother running, we're keeping tabs on you, bitch.

* * *

**Review and I'll update later today**


	9. A Single Shot

A/N: Usual disclaimer.

Happy POV

_Thoughts_

**emphasis**

* * *

"_It's 3 am, and outside I hear the souls, still screamin'. It's been so long, you know since my, head's been this clear…" 3 am ~ Edwin McCain_

**A Single Shot**

I tore the letter in half then pulled out my lighter. Sighing, I held the paper to the flame and watched as it burned into a crumpled, shrinking, black ball in my hand then on the sidewalk.

If Kelly and her people were watching me s closely as they let on, they knew I was alone, which, as planned, left Happy and the Sons out of the fall out. _Yeah, save them from bad publicity, kill yourself. Good job, Marine, good fucking job. _Pushing Hap away had simply been a way to make sure there wasn't any collateral damage when this shit hit the fan; though I was more than sure, he hated me. Truth be known, he was probably better off, when it came to club life and personal shit.

Looking around, I tried to think of the best place to find an ATM at about four in the morning. All I needed was enough out of my account to pay for a motel, food, bus fair back to Charming, and gas when I retrieved my car. Kelly told me not to bother running, sure, but I was doing it to piss her off. That and I wasn't exactly welcome back at the Tacoma Clubhouse.

That fact hurt a lot more than I cared to admit. I respected and had become friends with the boys and their women, not to mention fallen for their VP. Even if that was over.

Running a hand over my face and through my hair, I stood and stepped through the long forgotten heap of burnt paper, scattering the ashes. I walked down to a 24-hour gas station and entered, welcoming the blast of heat. Walking around Tacoma at four in the morning at the end of October in a tank top is **not** a brilliant idea.

"Miss, are you alright?" The clerk, a middle-aged man with graying hair, asked when I approached the ATM.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied through clenched teeth.

"You sure? If you need help—"

"I'm fine." I repeated more forcefully.

He nodded but wasn't convinced and I really didn't give a damn.

I took my card out of the wallet I didn't even realize I grabbed and jabbed the buttons and screen. $300 and a seven blocks later, I sat on at the bus stop, waiting. My leg bouncing, I remembered my promise to Happy. "I'll be back tomorrow for my stuff." I wondered what the point was. I was going to buy an entire new wardrobe, cut my hair, and transform anything else I could. But I made a promise, and I guessed I should say goodbye to him before I left town, not that he would care if I just skipped out. Sighing, I stood and of a cheap motel, I noticed when Hap and I first arrived.

It was a huge risk, spending the night, alone, in a motel where no one would think twice before ignoring a screaming woman. But what other choice did I really have? I didn't like it, lying in that lumpy bed alone. Hated it, actually. I was used to be pushed to one side or being crushed and I wanted it back. But I couldn't, not after that little stunt.

I hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them, harder than I did even after the attack, that old feeling washing over me and welling in the pt of my stomach. It hurts just as much as when I lost Nate, losing Happy like this. Actually, it hurt a little more, knowing it was my fault, that it didn't **have **to be, it wasn't fate.

But what about the tattoo that still lay embedded in my skin, binding us together? What was I supposed to do with that? I couldn't get it covered, not with the scar. Removing it surgically was an option, but I didn't have enough cash and my insurance sucked ass. Thinking about the ink he injected vacating my skin made the shudders become even more intense, tears streaming down my face.

I could understand why he was so pissed and knew leaving was a huge mistake. It was time for me to step down and let him take control for once. I knew it and knew it well. But I wasn't used to trusting anyone enough to let him or her protect and take care of me, wasn't used to anyone even wanting to. No matter what, I always had a failsafe.

A knock on the door jolted me out of my thoughts and nearly off the bed. Quickly wiping my eyes, I to the door and checked the peephole. I nearly collapsed as I saw the person on the other side of the relatively thin wood.

* * *

I stood in the doorway, watching her leave. My heart sank to my stomach at the thought of her being out there alone with those bitches after her, even as the steam spouted from my ears.

Maybe I had no right to read that letter but she was my Old Lady. I was beyond pissed that she didn't tell me that cunt was still after her. I could have protected her. Maybe she had trust issues, and maybe I should have been more sensitive when it came to her personal boundaries. Maybe I was being too hard on her and maybe I wasn't seeing all the walls she broke down to let me in. But that didn't give her the right to lie to me about a threat on her life. Didn't she understand what she meant to me? That if I lost her, I'd end up worse than Gage? _Guess not._ I thought, growling.

I closed the door when I heard the clubhouse door slam shut. I wasn't going after her, her stuff was here, she'd come back for it. Wouldn't she?

Running my hands over my head, I sank onto the bed. _Fuck this._ Lying back, something instantly felt off. I knew it was because I was used to sharing the bed with Jay. That mixed with the fact that I hadn't gone to bed unsatisfied since I first Prospected with the Sons. But I wasn't going out to find her, she brought this on herself.

How did I know she wasn't going to turn the boys and me in? If she lied about this, God only knows what else she was keeping from me. But then again, there wasn't any other evidence to say I shouldn't trust her.

Why the hell are women so goddamn confusing? I mean, come on. Mixed signals left and right, tease then run away. She tells you she loves you then lies about a death threat and walks out on you. And **this** would be why I never kept a girl around.

A bang on the door broke my train of thought and considering where it was headed, that was probably a good thing.

"Hap?! Are you in there? I hope ta God you ain't." A smooth, barely alcohol affected voice through the cracks in the door. Switch.

"What the hell do ya want?! SHouldn't ya be wit Fay?!" I called back, unable to keep the anger from my voice.

"Can I come in?" His voice was softer, annoyingly calm.

"Hang on." I grunted and plucked my jeans from the floor. After yanking them on, I ripped the door open, nearly tearing it from the hinges.

"What the hell happened in 'ere? I could hear it over Fay." He questioned, sitting on the dresser the way Jay always did.

"She lied ta me." I kept my answer short and simple.

"About…?" He pressed.

"Remember how I told ya 'bout 'er stint in lock up?"

He nodded.

"Turns out, the beef ain't over. They're still after 'er. The paper on the office door was a death threat from 'em. She kept that shit from me."

He nodded again and seemed to be contemplating an answer. "I kin see where you're comin' from on this. But I also see 'er side. Ya gotta think from 'er perspective, man. She don't want ya ta feel like ya gotta protect 'er. Honestly, I think it's just 'cause she don't wanna feel dependant on ya ta keep these people away from 'er. She needs ta feel like she kin protect 'erself. She's opened up a lot for ya, an' don't take this the wrong way, but you ain't exactly returned the favor." He stood and stepped to the door and me. A hand on my shoulder, he spoke again. "Go find 'er. Tell 'er everythin' an' all 'at shit. Ya either convince 'er to come back or I'm sendin' Mags an' Fay ta drag 'er ass home. Ya need 'er more than ya let on, I know that. She don't." With that little Morgan Freeman speech, he was gone.

He had a point, well, a few of them. Ever since the attack, Jay had been trying to be more independent, I watched her. And then there was the "needing her" part that I never admitted to. Maybe Switch was right, maybe she didn't know.

After a couple minutes, I put on some random t shirt and draped my cut over it. Nothing made people cooperate more than the leather vest and a nine mil. I marched through the bar, not bothering to avoid the unconscious bodies and limbs on the floor.

Outside, I sat on my bike and lit up a cigarette, trying to think of places she would be. If I were a Marine on the run, where would I go? Good goddamn question. My first thought would be to get enough cash for a hotel and food, find a place to stay and then think about how I was going to get from point A to point B. She wouldn't have enough for a hotel, so she probably went to the nearest ATM. The only shop open at this time of night with an ATM would be…That 24-hour gas station a couple blocks down from the clubhouse. Great, the clerk hated me, already. _Not my fault his daughter couldn't keep 'er hands off me._

I revved the bike a raced down the street. After parking, I barged in the door and walked, with a major purpose in my step, to the counter.

"You again." The clerk narrowed his eyes at me.

"Shut the fuck up. Your kid's a whore, get over it. And anyway, that's not what I'm 'ere for."

"What, then, **are** you here for?"

"Did a woman come in 'ere? White tank top, black an' white sport pants, needed the ATM. Fidgety as hell, kinda shifty?"

"Yeah. One did."

"Ya know where she went?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

"Don't fuck wit me right now!" I slammed my palm against the counter, getting the jump I was looking for. "She's in a lot a trouble an' in ain't wit me. I gotta fuckin' get to 'er 'fore some other, very powerful people do."

"Or what?" He tried to fight through the slight shaking of his body.

"She dies, I come after you. An' lemme tell ya, if she dies 'cause ya didn't help me out…" I left the threat hover angrily in the air.

"Okay, okay. She asked 'bout a cheap motel, told 'er ta try Riley's. Ya know, when ya first come inta town…"

Satisfied with the information, I left the gas station without another word, cutting the clerk short. Mounting the bike again, I pointed it for the Tacoma city line, where Riley's was located. The place was a shit hole, but it was cheap and low key. If you wanted to hide out, it was the best place to do it. Even if you had to constantly kill spiders, ants and whatever other God awful creature crept around the floor.

"Jayden Powell. What room is she in?" I demanded from the woman at the front desk, if you could call it that. It was more like a cardboard box.

"I don't see that name on the sheet." She flipped the paper, eyes frantically searching for the name.

"Shit. What 'bout Jay Epps." It was a long shot, but it was possible her over-calculating mind used Half Sack's last name instead of her own.

"Room…122. Do you need a key?"

I jogged down the hall, not bothering to answer the woman.

I stopped short at the end of the hall when I saw someone already standing at the door. _Shit, Jay, babe, don't open that goddamn door!_ The door swung open, the person pulled a gun. In an instant my own nine millimeter was aimed at the person's head.

"Put down the fucking gun. I'll blow your goddamn brains out!" I shouted as I approached.

* * *

I heard Happy's voice growing louder as he swiftly made his way down the hallway, trigger finger ready.

I looked back at the gun pointed at my face and closed my eyes as the person's finger slowly increased the pressure on his or her own trigger.

"Fucker." I breathed and fell to my knees when I heard the shot.

* * *

**Review or I will make you wait a month before I update.**


	10. Walls Crumble

A/N: Good job to all my regular reviewers. Love y'all.

* * *

"_Standing at your doorway, with my stomach all tangled an' tight. Have it your way. Oh God, where are you tonight? 'Cause I don't know what I'm doing here, or where to begin. So take a deep breath, but darling, don't let me in" This Losing ~ Airborne Toxic Event_

**Walls Crumble**

There was a thud then the stomaching-churning sound of metal scraping wood.

"Jay, look at me." His breath fluttered across my face, voice raspy. Not what I was expecting at all.

He put a hand to my cheek, kissed me gently, and rested his forehead against mine.

"C'me on. You're okay."

_You're dead, you have to be. It's Nate, it's gotta be. Hap would never…Why are you so disappointed? Isn't another time with him what you wanted? No, damn it. I want fucking Happy. _I forced my eyes to blink open to see not Nate, but Happy crouching in front of me, blocking my view of a very dead Kelly.

At first I looked away, I couldn't meet his gaze, not after all of this. In the hallway, the woman from the front desk stood, watching, terrified. Hap stood and shook his head at her while helping me up, silently telling her to keep her mouth shut. He pushed me lightly into the room and closed the door behind me. I thought he was just going to leave but I heard him outside the door speaking in a hushed tone. _He called Switch. Great, now they all know. Fuck my life._I paced around the room impatiently before the door slowly creaked open again.

Happy stepped in, kicked the door shut with the heel of his boot and locked the deadbolt and handle. He leaned against the wood; arms crossed, and stared at me.

"This is why I didn't want you involved."

He snorted, looked away, and began tapping his foot.

"Thanks a lot, but now this is on you guys. Ya shoulda just let me leave." I whispered.

He didn't answer right away, so I thought he didn't hear me until…"C'me 'ere." He pointed to the space in front of him, a softer look on his face.

I did as I was told and laid my hands shakily on his solid chest under the cut, searching desperately for support. "Hap…I—"

Instead of letting me finish, he pulled me into his warm, strong arms and nuzzled my hair. "You went down…I thought I lost ya." He whispered, tightening his hold.

"You—" I started but he took my face in his hands and pressed a thumb to my lips.

"Just lemme talk, a'ight?"

I nodded and he moved his thumb to stroke my cheek and wipe away the tear-smeared make-up.

"This kinda shit ain't easy for me, the whole **expressing** thing. But I need ya ta come back. I can't let ya go. I need you. Here with me." He spoke slowly, the wavering of his voice barely noticeable, though it sounded as if he were having difficulty saying the words.

I stared at him, not knowing how to respond to that. As if he read my thoughts, he continued.

"I've never felt this way 'bout anyone else. It's weird, almost scary that I'm so attached. I know I shouldn't be what with the club and all, but I don't want it ta go away. I know ya don't wanna rely on someone else, but I kin protect ya. Ya just gotta let me. Ya gotta trust me with shit like this."

"I do…It's just…new ta me, ya know?"

"Lemme help you."

I stepped forward, wrapping one arm around his waist while leaving the other on his chest, my face buried in the crook of his neck. "You already have."

"Ya really fuckin' scared me. Don't know what I would've done if I lost ya."

"Let's not think 'bout the 'what if's."

"A'ight."

He held me tightly; one hand gliding up and down my back while the fingers of the other hand ran through my hair.

"So, you'll come home?" His voice was a low whisper now.

I only nodded, not wanting to move.

"Good." He started to let go but I balled up the fabric of his t shirt in my fist.

"Can we just…stay like this?" I whispered but there was a soft knock on the door.

"Damn it. Guess not."

He backed up, kissed me, and then pushed me away from the door and left again. I could hear the muffled voices but couldn't make out any actual words and decided it was best not to follow him.

"C'me on." He stuck his head in the door after a while. "Watch your step, lot a blood out here." He warned as he opened the door further for me to get out.

I jumped over the dark pool and nearly ran into D Bag.

"Fuck, sorry." I muttered as I looked down at the body now lying on a tarp. Nice clean shot through the neck, hell of a bleeder the jugular is.

The kid just shrugged and stared at me quizzically, no doubt wondering why I was there while Switch spoke with Happy. The damn hallway looked like a police crime scene, except there was no yellow tape and the uniforms were leather cuts with a reaper on the back, badges were the patch on the front.

Switch nodded to me and patted my shoulder before taking Happy's gun and shoving it on the tarp and tying the black material over the body.

"Get that in the truck." His voice was filled with unquestioned authority as he addressed D Bag.

The kid nodded slung the 'package' over his shoulder, stumbling only slightly as he carried it down the hall.

"You two good now?" Switch crossed his arms over his chest, giving a glare that almost rivaled Happy's.

Happy glanced over at me for a second and shrugged.

"An' that means…?"

"We're as good as we're guna be for now." I broke in.

"A'ight. Good. When we get back ta the clubhouse, Jay Ima need everythin' you wore here. Hap can give ya the run down for everythin' else. Mace an' Hammer are on the way ta fuss with the blood. They don't know any more than they have to 'bout the whole situation. Good job not usin' your real name by the way, helps out with the process." He nodded and leaned against the wall. "Y'all can go now. Ima stick around an' wait for the others, make sure no one gets too nosy."

Happy nodded to him, took hold of my arm and led me down the hallway. Once at the bike, I stopped him.

"How many of 'em did you tell?!"

"Only Switch. He was the one ta find the note, he gave it to me and asked what it was about."

"You told him before you told me? What's wrong with you?!"

"Calm the fuck down! He only knew about what happened while you were in prison, then he came in askin' why you left." He put his hands up in surrender as he yelled back.

"Sorry, I just...get really sensitive about that stuff."

"No shit." He snorted.

I remained silent for a moment then opened my mouth the speak again.

"Can it wait 'til we get back?" He cut in before I could say a word.

"I guess..."

He stared at me for a while then shrugged and mounted the bike. I got on behind him and locked my arms tightly around his waist, resting my cheek on his shoulder.

* * *

**Review or I'm taking a month-long vacation.**


	11. Back Home

A/N: Okay, I was seriously upset a couple days ago, so I didn't update. Like, cried myself to sleep so, sorry. I wasn't taking a vacation, just trying to pull myself together.

And we all know how concerts get in the way. ;]

And friends. Damn my growing social life.

This one is kind of mushy, I tried to twist it so it wasn't, but its a warning for you. Don't be too disappointed in me. :\

Thanks to all reviewers, love y'all.

Usual disclaimer.

* * *

_"Trust these words are stones, why cuts aren't healing, learning how to love, I'm melting..." I Caught Fire ~ The Used_

**Back Home**

At the clubhouse, I carefully dodged the unconscious that lay on the floor and quickly trudged to the dorm. I wasted no time before shedding my track pants and replacing them with a pair of boy shorts. Flopping on the bed on my stomach, I burrowed into the sheets and waited for Happy to join me. The mattress sank under me as he leaned over and kissed the back of my neck.

"Switch called emergency church for anyone sober enough ta be there. Be back when I'm back." He mumbled against my skin.

He ran a hand down my spine before pushing off the bed, a chill, and trail of goose bumps following his fingers. I nodded, stole his pillow, and hugged it under me. He chuckled and, though I couldn't actually see him, I just **knew** he was shaking his baldhead at me. I listened as his heavy footsteps retreated and the door quietly clicked closed. My face buried deep enough in the pillow to nearly suffocate myself, I let much-needed sleep overtake my exhausted body.

It was a while and several, very uncomfortable, sleeping positions later when Happy returned, slipped under the sheets, and dragged me to him until my back was completely pressed against his chest. One of his hands wormed its way to rest on the skin of my belly while the other shifted his pillow, which I was still sleeping on, so we could share it. His breath ruffled my hair as his middle finger traced a steady circle around my naval.

"I love you, Hap. I really do…I just…I don't…" I whispered then paused, unsure if he was still awake, uncertain if I should have even let those words slip from my lips.

"I know." The hand under the pillow slithered under me and clasped with the other on my stomach.

"No, I don't think you do." I let out a shaky breath and laid my hands over his before continuing. "I haven't felt anything like this since…" I trailed off and gulped. Since when was I turning into such a goddamn pussy? _Jesus Christ, hold it together, Marine._ I scolded myself, barely catching Happy's question.

"Since what?"

I sighed; I couldn't go back on the statement now. There couldn't be a 'never mind' or 'what are you talking about?' Nope, I was all in at that point. But I had been for a while, I guess. So, I swallowed that inbred pride of mine and gave him a one-word answer that would mean a hell of a lot more than the hesitant speech he would get from someone else. _Like Lucifer._

"Nate."

His arms tightened around me as he placed a kiss to the base of my neck and held it there for a few moments. I relaxed against him, his warm breath breezing across my skin helping to soothe me.

"I never thought I'd ever admit it…"

"Admit what?" His voice was getting softer; he was falling asleep on me.

"That I was afraid of something." I kissed his shoulder. _Why can't you keep your damn mouth shut?_

"Would you spit it out already? Jesus Christ." He groaned. His voice wasn't harsh, just exhausted.

_Took the words right outta my mouth. _"Forget it. You're tired and I sound like a total pussy. Go to sleep."

He somehow managed to turn me over so that I was facing him. "Fucking tell me."

"I don't wanna lose you. And I know, I know, 'you're not gunna lose me,' **bull-fucking-shit**. I lost him, Hap, and he wasn't part a some…some, whatever you wanna call it. Sure, he was a soldier, but he was a **sniper,** it was his **job **to be well hidden. You're not; you didn't go through overly extensive training to stay alive. There's more of a chance with you…I don't think I can handle losing you too."

"You been putting a lot a thought inta this? Sounds like it." He kissed my lips gently, just brushed them, really. "I'm not gunna tell you there's not a chance, I mean, you know what I fucking do. In the MC, somethin's bound ta happen at some point." He kissed me again, harder that time. "But s'long as I have a say in it, I'll be comin' on back to ya."

"I've never been good with goodbyes…"

"Long as I'm breathin', there won't be one." His voice was firm, not mean but he sounded like he was disciplining a child. Which exactly how I felt at that moment. One hand began tracing my scar, the other my spine as I rested my forehead against his collarbone. "I do love you, Jay. Ya gotta believe me." His whisper was barely audible; leading me to believe it wasn't an intentional confession, just a thought that slipped through his exhaustion-worn filter.

~*~*~*~

It was late into Sunday afternoon and I was still sleeping soundly, still pressed into Happy's side, though his pectoral muscle was now my pillow. He had his arms folded around me, pulling me over him until I had a leg draped over his thighs and an arm lazily plopped across his tattooed stomach. We had, despite the initial objections, developed a habit of waking up like this. Cuddling was now a part of that 'its okay if the boys don't find out,' portion of our relationship. Not that I was complaining, anymore that is. Now, it was nice to wake up snuggled against a warm body. I'd forgotten just how wonderful it truly was.

I **was** sleeping soundly, until I was rudely awakened by the obnoxiously loud ring tone of Hap's phone going off on the nightstand. I moaned and buried my face in his chest, in a desperate attempt to drown out the ringing with his steady heartbeat, while he groaned and blindly slapped the wooden surface for the offending object.

"Hello?" Was his groggy response to the person on the other line. "Who the fuck is this?" He demanded harshly, his voice contrasting with the way he was gently rolling me off him as he began to sit up.

I just stared up at him, confused as he listened to whatever the person was saying. He threw the comforter off him, consequently covering my head with it. He stood and put his jeans on with one hand while I sat and leaned against the headboard, now a little more than concerned. His hand covered the mouthpiece of the phone when he stood in the doorway after growling some threat.

"You go back ta sleep. I'll take care a this." Without another word or waiting for an answer, he was out the door and down the hall.

Sure, I was still tired from the previous night's activities, but I still didn't see how the hell I was supposed to go back to bed after that. That phone call had to be seriously bad news to work Happy up like that, even with his short temper and it being the thing to wake him up.

So, completely ignoring his not-so-friendly request, I slipped out of bed and dug in the dresser to find some clean clothes and my towel. _Laundry today, definitely._ The bathroom door was closed when I arrived so I raised my hand to knock but stopped short as I heard heaving on the other side. _Right, party last night. Wow, its noon and the poor guy's still spewin', that blows. _Deciding to wait until whoever was occupying the bathroom was done puking their guts out, I dropped my clothes and towel on the floor beside the door and sat next to the small pile.

I tilted my head back against the wall, sighed and began humming along to whatever song that happened to pop into my head. I went through a couple of different riffs from different songs until my mind landed on one it wouldn't let go of. Just as I commenced the beginning chord, the bathroom door swung open to reveal a ruffed-up Gage. He looked down at me then swiftly turned his head away, groaning, and soon regretted the motion as he braced his hands against the doorframe. I remained silent as I plucked my things from the floor and stood, waiting for him to move so I could commandeer the bathroom in the name of a hot shower.

"Look, I don't know what ya said to Hap, but he's pretty damn pissed about it. He's got a lot a things on his mind right now, an' I don't know if you noticed, but he growls to himself when he has too much goin' on at one time." I sighed at the look of confusion on the large man's face. "Hap didn't tell me what ya said the night he beat the shit outta ya. Honestly, I don't wanna know. Just, leave 'im alone for a while, let 'im deal with whatever's goin' on, then apologize or somethin'."

He stared at me blankly before the light bulb went off over his head. "I don't really, uh, remember. I, uh, think it had somethin, um, ta do with you bein' some psycho serial killer?"

_Way to not pay attention to what I just said. Don't hit him. He's fucked up. Don't hit him. He's not thinkin' right. Just **don't fucking hit him!** _"Well, whatever, I don't really care 'bout some drunken comment, but lay off the booze 'fore ya do somethin' even more stupid. Like say it to my face."

His eyes lit up in a silent chuckle until he realized I wasn't kidding. "Right. It's just hard, ya know? How'd you deal wit it?"

"Losing someone I loved? Fuck. You don't wanna know."

"I just…God, I don't even know anymore."

"Here, I'll take a shower, then we'll talk. Deal?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Deal."

He left and I stepped into the bathroom then turned around. "Hey, if Hap asks, I'm in the shower."

The muscled, pierced man nodded and slunk down the hall to the hall. I closed and locked the door, just in case something happened, and dropped my stuff in the corner. Turning the knob to start the water, I stripped and stepped under the spray. I knew the others were probably already up due to last night's extra curriculars, though I was sure, if any of them got as wasted as Gage, they would need the bathroom. But I didn't plan on being quick about it, hell no. I planned on taking my sweet time, until I decided it was time to get out. They could find a bucket or a bush to barf in. Maybe that was a little bitchy, but I just got up and needed **something** to keep my eyes open. Plus, I gave them fair warning I didn't to well in the mornings. Or afternoon, as the case may be.

I had my back turned to the showerhead and my head tilted back to wet my hair and let the water run down my body when I heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I called as I soaped up my loofa.

"Hap wants ya." Flame's voice responded to me.

"Kinda busy at the moment." I rinsed myself then reached for the shampoo.

"I dunno what ta tell ya then. He says now."

"Then tell 'im ta get his ass in here." I worked the lather over my scalp and through my hair.

"Um, that's kinda weird for me ta say." He protested.

"I don't fucking care. If he wants me, he kin come an' get me."

I didn't get a response until I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and the door opened.

"What the fuck?!" I pressed against a wall to stay out of view because, Lord knows, foggy glass hides absolutely **nothing** from searching eyes.

"Chill, we all have keys." A raspy voice that could only belong to Happy greeted me.

"Jesus Christ, knock next time, will ya?" I put a hand over my heart and tried to slow my breathing.

"Nah, I like it when you're outta breath." He grinned as he stared at me through the glass.

"Then get in here." I smirked.

"Can't, gotta talk to ya." All business. Biker mode.

"About…?"

"The phone call this morning."

"Okay. You talk; I'll wash my hair. Sound good?"

He nodded, crossed his arms and leaned against the wall opposite the shower, watching that way he always does. "Was one a Kelly's girls." He ground out.

"Fuck." I breathed, rendered immobile for a brief moment.

"Yeah. How the hell she got my number, I dunno. They weren't kiddin', they're watchin' everythin'."

"Damn it." I sighed and cracked the shower door open enough to stick my head out, unable to rewash my hair. "What do you want me to do?" I asked knowingly.

"Stay inside, hang low. If ya have to leave for any reason, drag one or two a the boys with you."

I nodded. "I kin do that."

"Good." He stepped forward, handing me the towel as if he expected me to take it.

"There's something else, isn't there?" I waved his hand away and leaned my shoulder against the shower wall beside me.

"We're stashin' ya in Charming 'til things die down a bit." He held up his hand when I started to protest. "I won't be staying. I'll drop ya off, spend the night, we **might** visit my mom, then I'll be gone the next day." There wasn't a hint of remorse in his words; he was in his I'm-a-tough-guy, stone cold killer, hardass-biker, I'm-acting-more-like-a-douche-than-a-boyfriend mode, definitely all business and proposition. Not there would be any point in debating the offer. Right? Wrong. Come on now, it was **me** standing in that shower. So, naturally, I fucked it up.

"So the goin' gets rough, I completely open up an' you're just guna leave me?" I crossed my arms and began to close the glass door again, more than a little hurt.

"That's not what it's like at all an' you know it." He growled, taking another step forward to stop the door from closing.

"Do I? In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly an open book."

"Yeah, ya do. I told ya every—"

"That don't mean shit to me and **you** know that." I took and released a breath before continuing in a softer tone. "Okay, I get you don't want some chick ta be all over you. You know very damned well that I'm not some slutty, overbearing, clingy li'l...whatever. And I know last night was...major pussyland but I just...really needed you. And all I get is a grunt and a ride to a different state. Which, by the way, won't do any good, seeing as they're **watching my every fucking move."**

He ran a rough hand over his face and reached around me to shut the water off, trying desperatly not to get soaked and barely succeeding. "Look, you're scared, I get it, a'ight? I fucking get it, Jay. Remember what I said yesterday?"

I nodded as he bent to pick up my towel.

"Then trust me." His fingers captured my wrist as he pulled me out of the shower. "I know you don't trust people. I don't either. And I get you're not used to it, but I'm not out to hurt you." He draped the towel over my shoulders and motioned for me to dry off. "Sack's there, he'll look after ya, Chibs sees ya as a second daughter, Tig is my partner in crime. He's almost as bad as me. Nothing's gunna happen. Even if I'm not there the whole time. You'll be fine without me. More than fine."

And there it was, the speech, as if I had my own little tempting serpent with a hungry gaze piercing into my soul. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around me, and nodded. "Fine, if you think it'll matter."

"It'll keep 'em away for a while, 'til they decide you ain't comin' back here."

"You boys already have it all figured out, don't ya?"

He nodded and closed the distance between us, trapping me against the wall. "I not slackin' off like last time." He breathed.

"What're you talkin' about?"

He moved his hand under the towel and looked down at my stomach, the back of his hand tracing the scar. "I let this happen. I won't do it again."

"Happy," I groaned. "We've been over this." I pushed his shoulders back so I could meet his gaze with mine. "It wasn't your fault. I don't know why you keep **insisting **that it is. You couldn't have known a bunch a guys on a joyride would…do what they did. You're the only one that blames you for it. I don't, Kip doesn't, none of the boys." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against the leather warmed by the heat of the room.

His own arms came around me as he kissed my forehead.

"But if helps you," I looked up at him and rested my forehead to his. I whispered the next three words. "I forgive you."

His arms tightened around me as he pulled me up into a slow, reassuring kiss, telling me everything I needed to know with the action. 'Show, not tell,' hugely coming back into play. Just as he started tugging on the plush fabric between us, there was a knock on the door and a groan vibrating from Happy into my own mouth.

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**Alrighty, longerish chapter 'cause I knew you'd feel gypped. And I'm not scam artist. At least not most of the time.**

**Review, please? I promise I won't take as long to update.**


	12. Visiting Hours

A/N: Thanks guys, for the support, means a lot.

So here we go, I promised I wouldn't take forever.

Thanks to all reviewers, y'all are awesome.

Usual disclaimer.

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"_When we all wanna seem like, we got it all figured out. Well, let me be the first to say that I, don't have clue. I don't have all the answers, ain't gonna pretend like I do. I'm just trying, to find my way…" Trying ~ Lifehouse_

**Visiting Hours**

"C'me on, love birds. Gotta get you two on your way." Switch called then was gone.

"We're leaving taday?" I asked Happy as we reluctantly pulled away.

He nodded and moved aside so I could pick up my clothes and redress. I didn't question further, allowing myself to trust he knew was he was doing.

"Your bag's packed an' on the bike. Meet me out there when you're done." He instructed while I stepped into my jeans.

"Kay."

With that, he was gone and I was left to dress, brush my teeth, and fix my hair.

Once done with everything, I walked into the bar, more than aware of the looks I was receiving from bikers and sweet-butts alike. Girls had terror and resentment flashing across their faces while the bikers just seemed plain confused. I rolled my eyes at a pair of lanky, anorexic thin women, if you could call them that, as they tried and failed at getting in my way. Happy was outside, sitting on the bike, snuffing out a cigarette, when I found him. As he said, my bag was packed and strapped behind him.

Mace and Kozik came from the garage as I approached, Switch and Fay stepping out of the office. Flame had Maggie engulfed by his arm, following Mace. Hammer and D Bag hopped down from the boxing ring, all of them stopping in a small crowd behind me. Fay and Mags were the first to actually do anything, hugging the daylight out of me.

"Think ya cracked a rib." I teased Maggie as I returned the embrace.

All the boys joined in, besides Hammer and D Bag who just stood there, awkwardly rocking on the balls of their feet.

After the goodbye ritual, I mounted behind Happy and we were on our way.

~*~*~*~

When we got to Charming, there was a quick greeting, a church meeting for Happy and a warm bed for me. Without changing, I dropped to the mattress and waited, tired as I was, I wasn't about to let Happy leave without on last night.

I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, when Happy came in and stripped to his boxers. I didn't move as he crawled over me, just stared up at him.

"Wake me up when you leave?" I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Ya keep doin' that you're not gonna have a lip." He ignored me. _Jackass._

"Why would you care?" I release the piece of flesh.

"'Cause if you don't have a lip, I can't," he leaned down and kissed where the skin of my lip was still a bit raw from chewing on it, "Do that." He finished, rising just enough to ghost our lips together.

"Maybe I should stop, then." I smiled and pulled him back down.

I couldn't tell you exactly **how** he got me out of my jeans and t shirt, but I can tell you, when he did, it was better than Heaven. His hands roamed, finding every tiny scar that decorated my body and tracing them lightly. Whenever his finger or hand left a scar, his mouth replaced it, planting wet kisses, or following them with his skilled tongue. I found myself whimpering when he got down to the one across my stomach, at which he stopped and looked up at me.

"Still sore?" He asked, normally cold, hard eyes flashing with concern.

"Just right there...Always been kinda sensitive..." The words came out in more of a moan.

He grunted and licked it again, softer this time, smiling at the way I arched into him. His tongue took its time on that particular scar while he ran the back of his hand over the ragged, pink line that streaked the inside of my knee. A hand on either side of my hips, he pushed himself farther down my body, keeping his face inches away from my skin, his breath raising goose bumps on my flesh. He kissed down the inside of my thigh, then back up the other. He looked up at me from his position between my legs for a brief moment before running his warm tongue along my slit to the awaiting bundle of nerves. I moaned and pushed down, to be closer to him as he sucked my clit into his mouth. He had me gasping in pleasure as he slid two fingers into me, stroking anything he could reach. After nipping my clit a few times, he slid back up my body, bringing his lips around a peaked nipple.

My hand found the back of his head as I arched into him. I could feel the chills running down my spine, despite his warmth radiating through me as he continued to work his fingers in and out of me, thumb circling and flicking my clit every once and a while. His mouth moved up to my throat, nipping at the skin then soothing the mark with his tongue.

"Come for me, babe."

His voice rumbled over my skin, through my body and I found myself complying, tilting my hips so his fingers slid farther as my orgasm washed over me.

"That's it."

Even with my eyes closed, I could he watched me come down from the high as his breath fluttered across my face. He nudged his fingers around inside me, stopping when I whimpered. I shook my head, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him, our tongues tangling. His fingers slipped out of me and he ran his hand up my body while he positioned himself at my entrance. Still kissing me, one hand tangled in my hair while the other cupped my ass. He flipped us over and bucked, entering me but showing me that he wanted me to ride him. So I did, hard.

I woke up alone in bed, pissed that he had ignored me completely when I asked him to wake me up. _Asshole_. Sighing, I threw off the comforter and stood. I brought my clothes with me into the bathroom, showered quickly, made myself presentable, and left the room all in just under an hour.

Kip caught me in the hallway and captured my in his tightest hug yet. I didn't even know such a skinny kid could squeeze hard enough to almost force my eyes to bug out.

"Hey kid, good ta see you too."

He didn't respond, only crushed me more with his surprisingly muscular arms.

"Could ya let go? I'm starving."

He grunted but refused to let go.

"I'll let you buy me breakfast?"

With another grunt, he let go. His hand found the small of my back as we walked, together, to the bar. I didn't let on to how upset I was about Happy leaving without saying goodbye, knowing that Kip would do something stupid.

We made it to the bar, where I grabbed the hoodie I had deposited the night before.

"Where you two goin'?" I raspy voice from behind startled me.

I spun around and flung my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek.

"What the fuck?"

"I thought you were being a jackass and left without saying bye." I whispered.

"Course not. Why the fuck would I do that?"

"You tell me." I pulled back and eyed him quizzically. "Why **are** you still here?"

"Told ya, we might go see my mom."

I looked up at Kip over Happy's shoulder. "Reign check?"

Kip shrugged and head back to the garage.

~*~*~*~

The hospice center was four hours from Charming, so, even though I was in no mood to be meeting anyone, I plastered a smile on my face as the automatic doors slid open.

Happy didn't bother signing in or asking where his mother was, just stomped down the wide hallways like he owned the place. And judging by the looks he was gaining, he probably could have. He stopped suddenly and knocked a door to the right, room number 32.

"Ma, ya in there?" He called.

There was a soft grunt that Happy obviously took as a yes, because he pushed the door open and motioned for me to follow him in. An older woman sat in scrubs on the couch with a book that looked like a bible. All lights were on, including the lamp on the side table so she could read. There was a twin bed pushed against the wall with a soft blue comforter and white sheets.

"Hey, Ma." He greeted as he kicked the door closed behind me.

Her face lit up as she stood, shaking a bit, and shuffled to us. Happy met her halfway and wrapped his arms around her, walking her back to the couch, as she was too weak to be standing there with us. He sat beside her and returned her smile.

"There's someone I want you ta meet." He began, waving me over.

Her eyes finally found me. She tilted her head to the side and looked back at her son.

"So this is that girl you're always talkin' about?"

"Yeah. Ma, this is Jayden. Jayden, meet my mom."

I smiled sweetly and approached, standing next to Happy. "Nice to meet you. Happy talks about you all the time."

Her own smile widened. "Great to meet you, too. He probably talks about you more. Please sit?"

Hap moved out the way so he wouldn't be between us, one hand finding a comfortable position on the small of my back.

We talked for a while, Happy's childhood stories, though they skipped around his father and Will, as the tales would allow. His mother was just as strong willed as Happy was; she'd been fighting the cancer for about a year. She had the same dark eyes, though a much smaller frame. Most of his looks must have come from his father. And the voice for that matter. Of course, her weight, or lack there of, could easily be blamed on the cancer. She didn't seem to me like the type that would give up this battle easily. The woman was convinced she'd survive it, no matter what the doctors told her. She was a fighter and passed it down to her son.

He was completely different when he was around her, not nearly as cranky or touchy. A smile was tattooed on his face and he talked more than I think I ever heard in the months we'd been together.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink, y'all want anythin'?" I asked, standing and trying to stop laughing over the last story about Happy's pet lizard.

"Nah, I'm good. Ma?"

The woman shook her head. "No thanks."

I nodded and left the two to speak amongst themselves.

It took about two minutes for my to find the vending machine and figure out what I wanted. A nurse stopped me at some point and started interrogating about whom I came to see. I explained that I was with Happy visiting his mother, and that I was his girlfriend and if the bitch had a problem with it, she was to take it up with the biker. That shut her up.

I wandered a while, to give the mother/son alone time so they could talk about whatever she was holding back. I tell there was something she wasn't saying, hiding with me there but I wasn't offended. She just met me, why the hell should she trust me? I couldn't and didn't expect her to, especially if it ad to do with her medical care.

After a very uninteresting conversation with yet another nurse, helping some lady with two bags full of clothes and a cup and a half of some seriously weak coffee, I **finally** found myself standing at the door of room 32. I could just make the soft mumblings of what they were saying.

"So am I finally going to get that daughter-in-law?" Her voice was low as if she expected me to walk in at any moment.

"Ma…" He groaned like someone just planted a boot in his balls.

"What? I think I have the right to know. You listen to the doctors, they say I don't have much time…"

"Don't start." He whined, I could almost **see** the kicked-puppy look and death glare all balled into one on his sexy face. "I…I don't know."

I felt my heart skip a beat.

"That's better than the usual, I guess." She replied, sarcasm in her voice.

"It's only been a couple months--" He argued.

"If it's real, you should already know."

He didn't answer her, so I took the opportunity to reenter the room, trying to look and act as if I hadn't heard anything.

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**Review or I'm going on hiatus for a month and a half.**


	13. Last Stand

A/N: Okay, so I had this entire chapter written and ready to go, then I read it again and absolutely **hated** it, **so** I rewrote it and came up with this. This one's all in Happy's POV. Whoot! **Party!**

Thanks to all reviewers, y'all are awesome.

Usual disclaimer.

Happy POV

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"_And I know the night was hazy, but I still remember waking up, and kissing you that one more time. For now I'll say goodbye, but don't think we're through, I got a thing for you." Thing for You ~ Hinder_

**Last Stand**

The second Jay strode back into the room; I knew she had heard my mother's question and, undoubtedly, my response. _Fuck._ I hunched over in my spot on the couch, elbows digging into my knees, face in my hands, and groaned. She was stiff, rigid, her back straight and stride wide as she made her way to the couch with Mom and me. Jay's fake smile wavered when she came to a halt in front of me. A nurse with a dumb grin dominating her chubby face stepped heavily in, nodding to Mom. The blonde approached and helped Ma to her feet

"Lunch is ready." As she explained, I recalled that Ma usually had lunch with Heather, a nosy nurse with a big mouth who absolutely hated me. She thought I was the devil in disguise and anyone around me was a demon, except for my mom. Heather refused to eat in the room, insisting Ma get out more often but with the lobby being as 'out' as Ma was going to be, that's where they spent two hours. No doubt, she expected us to join them. The things I did for my mother.

"We'll be right there." I heard Jay answer for me.

Feeling their questioning gazes fixate on me, I grunted in confirmation. Ma just nodded in understanding as the door clicked quietly behind her and the nurse.

"How much did you hear?" I questioned, still staring at the door through parted fingers, eyes following the grain of the wood.

"Enough." Jay crouched in front of me, pulling my hands from my face and squeezing them in her own delicate owns. "Do you seriously think it's gonna change what's between us?"

My eyes rose to meet her storm-cloud-grey ones. Part of me dreaded this conversation and had since the first time we slept together. Somehow, women always got disappointed when they discovered I wasn't exactly into the whole marriage thing and never had been. But the majority of me wanted to know where this was going to lead. 

She had Nate before me. **He **made her happy first. **He** loved her first. **He **kept all of his promises to her. **He **kept her safe. **He **held her and quieted her sobs and wiped away her tears and kissed her and made love to her all before I even knew she existed. **He, **I was sure, spent more time with her. Hell, he was in the military with her. Had that not fallen apart due to a bullet, I never would have been able to do any of those things to her, for that I thanked every star in the sky. But then again, it broke her, cut her deeper than I could ever heal, no matter how much I wanted to. She couldn't **really** want to go through the marriage preparation again, could she? Maybe it had been years, but those kinds of wounds don't heal quickly. I would know, I watched Ma go through the same heartbreak when Dad died. Walking down the aisle could just bring Nate's memory back, and I couldn't see her broken down like that night she found his picture and clutched it for dear life.

Shrugging, I turned my hands over so they closed around hers, hoping she'd understand. She shifted her weight and lifted her full lips to meet mine softly.

"It won't. I just don't think I'm ready." She whispered, kissing me again. "Not yet."

I let her hands go when she moved back and slid to the floor. She nuzzled my neck as she leaned into me, took the space between my bent legs, and rested her hands under the cut across my chest. My arms snaked around her, holding her where she was, loving the mild warmth radiating from her and the way she traced invisible circles over my shirt.

So she did understand. After all this time wondering, of scolding myself for not explaining, for not showing, not telling. But it simply made leaving her all the more difficult. The good mood surrounding the moment faded with the thought of her standing in the parking lot, watching as I rode away and not knowing when I was coming back. God only knew how long she'd have to stay there in Charming with that obnoxious kid telling her to leave me every five goddamn minutes. Though I was never particularly religious, I found myself praying to whatever god there may be it wouldn't take more than a week.

But I knew it wouldn't. Getting rid of Kelly's bitches would take at least a week, if not more, depending on how well they had covered their tracks. Then there was tracking down any and all contacts and connections to be sure the threat was neutralized. After a few confirmation days, I'd finally be able to bring her home.

I tightened my grip around her, rested my cheek against the top of her head, and clamped my eyes shut, desperate to shove the future out of my mind and focus on what was in encased in my arms: Jayden. _My Jayden. _Those grey eyes and tender mind, warm and soothing as they penetrated even my mental blockade, fighting back the dread and negativity. Her silky, dark-brown hair wound around my fingers, softly caressing my skin. Her skin smooth under my rough, calloused hands. The gentle angle of her chin that gave way to that oh-so-kissable neck, which curved into beautifully toned shoulders. She decided to flaunt the scar on her shoulder that day, wearing a tank top with straps thin enough to reveal the pink flesh, though modest enough to be worn around Ma. Or was it the tattoo she had chosen to put on display?

She tucked her slender frame under me, letting me surround her, allowing me to prove to myself that she was real. Sucking in a deep breath, I took in her minty scent. _I'm gonna miss this._

"Your mom's waiting for us." She whispered, her lips brushing the stumble over my jaw.

"I know."

"We should probably go out there." She pressed her lips to my pulse point, voice still low.

"Prolly."

"Hap?"

I grunted.

"After lunch, you wanna go back? We can take all the time we want for ourselves. If you don't wanna leave yet, that's okay; I just wanna be able to spend some time with you before you have ta go." Though she tried to hide it, the desperation caked her voice.

"We can do that." I squeezed her, then let go.

I stood and offered her a hand, kissing her while running my free hand up and down her back. Pulling my head back, I picked her up off her feet so her toes almost grazed the floor and walked her back to the door. Her infectious laughter wafted around us as I opened the door and walked us out of the room, legs playfully kicking hers.

I set her down before we were halfway to the table, aware of Heather's disapproving glare and Ma's silent giggling. The nurse's narrowed eyes followed Jay as we took our seats around the table.

Throughout lunch, Heather stared the Marine down, trying to force her hand into revealing her past to her, even when it soon become obvious that Major Jayden Powell would not be broken. Ma noticed as well, though said nothing, wanting to see how long the young woman's resolve could hold out.

By the end of the meal, Heather looked extremely frustrated while Mom was impressed and Jay, well, she was trying so hard not to beat the shit out of Heater, she was slightly shaking. The food was what you would expect from a hospice center, not that great, kind of over cooked, bland as all Hell, and mushy for those who couldn't chew very well. _I really need to remember to __**bring **__food next time._ But then again, that's the thought that **always** went through my head after a meal here. Never learned. The things you put up with for a woman.

"Ma, Jay an' I are gonna hit the road. Don't wanna be getting back too late." I stood and motioned for Jay to as well.

"It was great to see you. Do try to come sooner?" Ma tried to stand but needed to hold onto the table for support.

"Course. Great to see you too." I pulled her into a hug, knowing it would probably just as long until I saw her the next time, unless I went Nomad but I couldn't do that until everything with Jay was sorted out.

"It was great to meet you, Jayden. I look forward to seeing you again." The women smiled at each other and embraced as if they'd known each other for years.

"See ya, Heather." I ground out. _God, I hope not._

She grunted.

"Bye…" Jay messed with the hair on the back of her head: one of her nervous ticks.

There was another grunt and we left.

I could feel Ma's eyes following us, first from the table then from her window, smile still on her dry lips and in her dark eyes. Jay was accepted.

My arm circled Jay's waist on its own accord, palm cupping her hip. She flashed a bright smile before laying her head on my shoulder.

"PDA." She whispered voice so low I could barely hear her, but the way she didn't move told me that I probably wasn't supposed to.

"Fuck it." I slowed my pace as we approached the bike.

In response, her hand found the one on her hip, her thumb lightly sweeping over my knuckles. Letting go, she stepped ahead of me to grab and snap on her helmet and waited for me to do the same. After complying, I mounted and held it steady as she climbed on behind me. Her arms wrapped tightly around me, hands clasped a little lower than they probably should have been, I revved, and we roared out of the parking lot.

~*~

I burst through the clubhouse door, Jayden hot on my trail, her face flushed, and hair tousled. Gotta love make-out sessions in the parking lot. What is it about a Harley that gets women as wet as it does? Tig cocked an eyebrow at me as approached, but soon realized tonight would be the last stand for a long time with her. A sly grin breaking across his face, he extended his arm, offering me an unopened bottle of Jack. Under different circumstances, I would have accepted but I wanted us to be sober for this, I wanted to be able to remember it tomorrow. I shook my head and brushed past him, bumping shoulders with Half Sack.

The kid turned, glaring, his mouth open to say something but shut up. He obviously hadn't liked what he saw since he downed the rest of his beer, opened another, and chugged that one too.

The second we were out of view, I pinned her to the wall, lips crashing onto hers. Our tongues battled for dominance as I lifted her, her legs wrapping around my waist, arms around my neck. I carried her to our room and fumbled with the doorknob, trying to unlock the damn thing. Once we were inside, I kicked the door closed, hard than intended but that didn't matter. 

Lowering us onto the bed, I shrugged off my cut and pulled my t-shirt off. When her tank top and bra were finally across the room, I kissed my way down her jaw and neck, until I could suck an already hard nipple into my mouth. She arched into me, one hand pushing my head closer while the other explored my body, nails scraping over my abs. I flicked the dark flesh with my tongue again, and then moved to give the other the same treatment as she hooked her fingers into the waistband of my jeans.

"Hap…Don't make me wait tonight." She gasped out, unbuckling my belt.

"Mmm, I like this though." I hovered over her, lips ghosting just over hers.

"Please…" She didn't bother to yank the belt out of the loops, instead went straight for the zipper and button.

Her feet pushed my jeans and boxers down to my knees. I stood briefly, to rid myself of the rest of my clothes then toss hers onto the floor. Crawling over her, I settled between her thighs and kissed her.

"Please?" She whispered against my lips, arms around my neck and legs around my hips pulling me closer to her.

Obliging, I slowly entered her wet heat, waiting a moment before starting to move. The urge to her take her hard and fast washed over me, but I pushed it aside, this had to be something we'd remember. Maybe I wanted to worship her body more, touch, kiss, and lick every inch of skin, but that could wait.

I shifted so every thrust met with her clit and nipped her pulse point. She was panting under me, meeting me thrust for thrust, then shuddered as I licked the sting from the bite mark. She clawed at my back and I knew that the marks and half-moons would still be there in the morning. I didn't care, anything to keep the feeling of her slick, tight passage around me in my head was more than welcomed.

Her body began to tremble as she urged me faster. I didn't speed up, instead slowed. Pushing into her slowly, then withdrawing even slower, I wanted to go over with her, and it wouldn't take long if she kept nipping behind my ear. I pulled my head away from her neck and kissed her parted lips, sweeping my tongue against hers in time with each thrust of my hips. 

I felt her clench hard around me as she ripped her mouth from mine, my name on her lips. She came hard, pulsing around me as she latched onto me, shaking. Feeling her, and seeing the loving look in her eyes, sent me plummeting to my own, inevitable release, unable to hold on any longer. Moving to grasp her hips and burring my face in the soft skin of her neck, I pushed into her as far as I could before spilling, groaning her name against her flesh.

We lay there, me still inside her channel, her still holding me close, until our breaths slowed. I pulled out and tried to roll over, but she wasn't having any part of it. Instead, she tightened her arms around my shoulders, keeping me where I was.

"Babe, I'm crushing you." I kissed her gently.

"No, you're not. Stay." She returned the kiss and moved her arms to circle my neck.

"Nope." I gathered her in my arms and rolled over, pulling her on top of me. "You stay."

"Gladly." She sighed, her hand moving to rest above my heart, her leg tangling with mine, and cheek on my shoulder.

I folded my arms around her, holding her as close as physically possible, lips on the top of her head, one hand splayed across her back, the other holding hers on my chest.

"I don't want you ta go." She whispered.

"I don't wanna, either, but its best. For now. I'll come back for you, I promise.

"Wake me up before you leave?"

"Sure."

"I love you." She kissed my collarbone, eyes fluttering closed.

I stared up at the ceiling, stroking her hair, playing with her fingers, her breath whispering over my chest. She was fast asleep, glued to my side, but even with the comfort of her warm body clinging to me, I couldn't bring myself to waste my last few hours with her by sleeping, exhausted as I was. 

"I love you too…" I whispered.

As if answering me, she nuzzled my chest and snuggled up to me, burrowing her face in the side of my neck.

"I know." Her incoherent response caused a grin to break on my face.

I brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed her sweat-covered skin. I fell asleep listening to her slow breathing and admiring the faint, angelic glow the moonlight gave her glistening skin. _Tomorrow's gunna blow._

**So, was that worth the wait? Review, review, review. Or…it'll be a month and a half till I update. You thought **_**this**_** wait was bad…buahahaha. xD**


	14. Lonely

**A/N: OMFG GUYS!! I'm SO fucking sorry I took so long. I hit MAJOR writer's block like you wouldn't BELIEVE! So here the new one is, the next one should be coming within the next week to make it up to y'all..**

**I'd like to give a shout out to all my regular reviewers: Running Wild, Rene & ozlady.**

**I love everyone who reviewed and I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.**

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_"But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting. You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting. And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting, Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting. I've made a commitment. I'm willing to bleed for you. I needed fulfillment. I found what I need in you..." Right Here ~ Staind_

**Lonely**

I woke to feather-light kisses trailing along my jaw and a rough hand gliding over the skin of my arm. A chill ran through me at the feel of a slightly calloused palm on my flesh. Happy pressed a kiss to my lips as soon as my eyes fluttered open, effectively closing them again.

"Mornin'." He whispered, breath fanning over my face.

"You woke me up early." I whispered back, returning the kiss.

"Thought we'd spend a little more time together before I have ta leave." He shrugged and pulled me closer to him.

"Mmm, I like that sound of that."

"We only have an hour." He started moving backwards towards the edge of the bed, dragging me along with him.

"Not nearly enough." I complained, now being lifted into his arms, carrying me like a was a princess or a bride being walked through the threshold.

"I know, babe, trust me. But I'll take what I can get."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the side of his neck, taking a deep breath and breathing in the scent that could only be Happy's. No one else could intoxicate me like that; not even, dare I say it, Nate.

He gently lowered me onto the bathroom sink, slipped between my legs, and leaned in so his lips brushed my ear.

"If it were up to me, you'd be with me through this. I'd hold you every night to make sure you were okay. I'll be up for days, just worrying about you." He planted light kisses from my ear to the corner of my mouth as he pulled me in closer. "I'm gunna miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

I wrapped my legs around his hips, groaning as the beginning of his erection pressed against me. I sucked in a breath as he began grinding against me and rested my forehead on his shoulder.

"Hap...Stop." I breathed. As much as I loved it, there were still some things that needed to be cleared up.

He instantly pulled away, breaking all contact as if he'd been burned. With his face contorted the way it was, I could see the confusion written in his eyes. He looked like a little kid that had his favorite toy taken away from him right after he was told he could play with it.

"When-when you're over there, I know you're not gunna wait...but just head, getting only and...face down, ass up. And never Lucifer. Please?"

"Lucifer?"

"That bitch I beat up the other night."

"Oh, ew, God no!" The kicked-puppy look turned to a wince at her mention. "No competition there."

"Just against **her?**" I cocked an eyebrow.

"You already know the answer to that."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, ya do." He growled, placing a hand on either side of my hips and his face so close to mine I was inhaling the huffed breath he left out.

In response, I pressed a kiss to his slightly parted lips, letting him sweep his tongue to deepen it. His hand made to cup the back of my neck to pull me in, but I backed off.

"You never said okay."

"About the whole fucking other chicks? Woman, how many times do I have ta tell ya, you and me are legit. Sure, I'm gunna get one of 'em ta blow me, but," He whispered the last part into me ear: "Yours is the only pussy I get. Only one I want."

"Good to know."

This time the kiss was hard and more passionate, there was no gentle friction between our tongues, just red hot need. My legs around his hips again, he groaned as I pressed myself completely to him. His hands on my hips, he slammed inside me, eliciting one very incoherent string of babble from me. He just held me close to him for a moment, kissing my neck and jaw.

"And I'm the only one that gets it." He growled, barring his teeth like a snarling wolf.

Okay, maybe not a wolf. They're pack hunters, Happy preferred to work alone. He loves his brothers, but love and need are far from the same thing. No, Happy was more like a...Snow Leopard. Yeah, that's what I said. A snow leopard.

He could pounce from yards away and still hit his target every time. He was probably the most resourceful and unpredictable man I'd ever met. Hell, he still is, but that's beside the point. He growled and snapped but he never once bark, at least not at me, and you would only hear the vicious, terrifying roar if someone did something incredibly stupid. Despite the power and authority behind his movements, they were fluid, graceful even. He was cold, hardened man and the chill never even phased him. But I could feel the surrounding ice pool around him when we were alone.

You'd never see it until, or rather **if**, he let you in far enough, he was gentle, kind and would never let nay godawful thing happen to you if he could stop it. Even if there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that he could have saved you, the guilt would engulf him. Consume him. Gnaw at his insides until there was nothing left but pure bloodlust and a smoldering hatred that would never be extinguished until he exacted his revenge.

I think that's why so many people are afraid of him. He's got the frostbitten shell to try in vain to smother the burning pain below everything. That's not something people can easily understand if they haven't been there themselves. They don't see the overwhelming burden he puts upon himself to protect his friends and family. It's a cross he's gladly taken up. Well, maybe not **gladly**, but he feels he was built, designed to bear this weight. And he's so damn stubborn that you'd never be able to convince him otherwise. Letting go was never his strong point. I guess things just never change.

But bit by bit, I chipped my way to the core of the multi-layered man, reached what every woman wanted. I could feel him melt under me as I kissed him lightly and uttered the only words I could possibly form.

"No one else...is good enough anymore..."

It always amazed me how the simple truth could coax the child out of a revenge-seeking killer.

His pace started out slow, taking his sweet time like we had all day to lose ourselves in each other. In a way, I guess we did. No one would bother us, knowing what we were about to go through. It felt like a part of me was being ripped out and dragged just out of my reach.

He'd gone on runs and such before, leaving me behind but it was only for a couple days, a week tops. Not the possible month of solitude I had to look forward to. And, damn, did I feel like a five-year-old with over-the-top, severe separation anxiety. _They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? Well, fuck, that doesn't help..._

A deep moan vibrated through my chest as he pulled out almost all the way, only to slide back in twice as slow. He had one arm around my shoulders, fingers somehow able to trace our tattoo as we rocked together. His other hand, steady and firm, supported my lower back. He ceased nibbling at my neck to trail lower, down to my collarbone. Once he's had his fill of licking my heated skin clean of the sweat, he continued his anticipated path to the top of my breasts.

He licked over one, then the other. A chill ran up my spine then came around and followed his tongue up between the two mounds. He nipped the skin just above before his lip circled the peaked nub, his hand kneading the other breast. My hand moved to the back of his head, scratching and massaging. He moaned around my flesh, the sensation causing my head to fall back against the mirror with a soft thud and wrenching a groan from my lips.

I knew I was close, the tingling tight feeling in my stomach only confirming it. The way his pace sped, becoming controlled with more than a hint of urgency, told me I'd set him off with me if I could just hold on a bit longer. And I'd be damned if I didn't.

"Come for me, Jay."

My eyes slipped shut as the shudders began but his voice broke through the ecstasy.

"Open your eye, babe, I wanna see."

I barely registered the words but I obeyed, our gazes locking as I called his name. As I had suspected, the clenching of my muscles around his engorged cock sent him over the edge only a few pumps after me, my name pried from his lips in a low, primal growl.

My head fell to his shoulder, yet again, nuzzling the side of his neck while trying to catch my breath.

"Damn, woman. How the hell could I fuck another woman after that kinda shit?" He breathed, running his fingers through me hair.

"I dunno." I shrugged and tightened my hold on him as he tried to pull out and away. "Stay."

"Shower." He grunted, lifting me off the sink and carrying me to the shower.

~x~

After one of the most memorable showers of my entire life, he sat on the bed, watching me get dressed. I rummaged through my bag, trying to find my favorite jeans, the baggy ones with multiple rips on the knees and thighs. I stepped into my panties then the jeans and snapped on my bra. Looking around for a shirt, I turned towards Happy's duffel. I could feel his quizzical gaze following my movements as I dug through the bag's contents. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled out the t shirt and sniffed it. It smelled enough like him to get me through at least a couple lonely nights.

My arms raised over my head, I began to pull on the shirt, but two strong hands stopped me. One ran across my stomach to nab the back hem of the black cotton, leaving goosebumps in its wake while the other closed around my own on the front hem. He pulled it down and brought me into a smothering embrace.

"I wish I could stay." I whispered into his chest.

"I wish you could too." He pushed me back enough to capture my lips in a slow, sweet kiss that left me praying he'd come back sooner rather than later. "Come on, baby girl, I gotta go."

Standing in the parking lot, in front of the Charming Sons, I watched Happy secure his bags to the back of his bike. It felt more than strange that I wasn't handing him my own backpack and climbing on behind him. Once finished, Happy sits on his bike, facing me, with his arms folded. We simply stared at each other for a while until Kip approached and placed his hand on my shoulder. Startled, I broke eye contact with Happy and looked back at the kid. I shook him off, backing away from the bike when I saw Happy shift out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey, get back here." He almost growled, pulling my back to him by the arm. "I'm not leaving yet."

He turned me around and brought his arm to rest over my shoulders. I crossed my arms over my chest, I wanted to hug him, kiss him goodbye but I knew I couldn't. We had already gotten that all out of our systems before we came out here, at least he did. He pressed his lips to my temple and look back out at the bikers.

"I want someone with an eye on her at all times. If that means Sack's gotta sleep on the goddamn floor, so fucking be it. If **anything **happens to her, I swear ta God..." He let the threat hang heavy in the air as his gaze danced over the their faces.

After they nodded their understanding, he turned back to me. The look in his eyes told me he was about to step over the carefully drawn line separating our private life and his club life, but I didn't care, I myself had been having trouble resisting the urge to fling myself upon him.

His hands cupped my face and brought it up so our lips met in the middle. I could feel the eyes on us while we tongue wrestled in front of them but it only seemed to spur him on more. I silently hoped this wasn't a kink he planned on acting on.

We finally broke apart when I was getting light-headed from the lack of oxygen. I buried my face in his neck to hide the fact I was crying like a pussy. But he held me firmly to his firm body, refusing to let me go so soon.

This was a hell of a lot bigger than I think you realize. Happy had a reputation in the club, and it wasn't as a romantic sap. He was the 'killah' and he had the tattoos to prove it, I've traced, licked and kissed them all. He's never been the one to show any sort of emotion besides anger and sometimes excitement. Love and sensitivity? Psh, you need to get your head out of your ass. And if you couldn't take the lack of openness in private, you'd never survive his public persona. He'd grown softer, not something I was either complaining nor cheering for. It was a simple fact of life.

He nuzzled the top of my head and mumbled to me, though I couldn't make out what he was saying. Pushing me away lightly, he cupped my cheek again and looked me dead in the eye.

"I love you, Jay. I'm coming back for you. I promise." His voice was somewhere between a whisper and his normal volume.

"I love you too." I half smiled and wiped my face.

He kissed my again and I tried to memorize the feeling of stubble scratching my face slightly, the taste of his tongue against mine.

"Bye, baby girl." He whispered then turned to the Sons again.

With a nod and a raise of his hand, he mounted the bike and revved. He looked back at me once more before speeding off back to Tacoma.

"Bye..." I whispered to myself.

The boys had already begun filtering back into the Clubhouse as I stood in the parking lot, watching the road. No matter how many cars I saw coast down the street, it would always feel empty, lonely.

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**Reviews are love. Even if you currently hate me.**


	15. Empty

**A/N: So, someone wanted to see a Happy POV version of "Lonely" and I thought it was a good idea, so here it is...:**

**Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer.**

_"I don't want to say goodbye. I can see the fear inside your eyes. It's so hard to walk away. I know that this feels like the end, Life never seems to let you win, but I'll be back someday. I'm already missing you, but I'm not even gone. In time we'll be together again, and it won't be long…" – Missing You ~ Big Dismal ft. Amy Lee_

**Empty**

I woke before she did, the early morning light filtering through the small crack between the curtains on the window, illuminating her soft, pale skin. It caught on the scar on her back and what it could find of the one on her belly and I felt my stomach churn. We were back where that whole incident happened and I wasn't exactly keen to the idea of leaving her here. Not when we had yet to get those Nords for what they did to her.

I left Tig, Chibs and Half Sack with the instructions to call me if she saw them, to make sure no one else did anything before I got there, wanting to be the one to inflict the highest amount of pain possible. But that didn't stop the image of her in a pool of her own blood from invading my mind.

More to comfort myself than her, I smoothed my hand up and down her arm and pressed repeated kisses to her jaw. I couldn't help it, there she was, lying naked in my bed, her hair fanning on one side of her face as she curled on her side, facing my. She looked like an angel. She's probably the closest I'll ever get to seeing one, and, sometimes, I catch myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, God sent me one knowing there's not a chance I'm getting up there. And, I'm being completely honest, that's all right with me. I'll suffer in the dark depths of hell if it means I get to be with her. She's never looked more beautiful than that morning.

Her eyelids batted open and my lips migrated to hers, closing her eyes again.

"Mornin'." I whispered, leaving only centimeter between our mouths.

"You woke me up early." She groaned and kissed back.

"Thought we'd spend a little more time together before I have ta leave." I shrugged and, throwing my arm over her waist, I brought her flush against me.

"Mmm, I like that sound of that."

"We only have an hour." I pulled her the edge of the bed.

"Not nearly enough." She complained while I lifted her and carried her into the bathroom like a princess. Because she was and still is my princess. But don't tell her I said that.

"I know, babe, trust me. But I'll take what I can get."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and nuzzled the side of it. I nuzzled her hair and took a deep breath of her scent, trying to memorize it.

I seated her on the sink and stood between her legs. I leaned in so my lips were against her ear as I spoke.

"If it were up to me, you'd be with me through this. I'd hold you every night to make sure you were okay. I'll be up for days, just worrying about you." I don't think she realized how serious I was when I trailed kisses from just under her ear to the side of her mouth. "I'm gunna miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

She wrapped her legs around my hips and groaned as I pressed into her. I could hear her breath hitch when I started grinding against her.

"Hap…Stop." I barely heard her, but it hit me like a sledgehammer when my brain finally processed it.

I pulled away, feeling like I'd been smack in the face. She never asked me to stop, except for after the rape, but that was different. From the way she was looking at me, I knew what I felt was written all over my face.

"When-when you're over there, I know you're not gunna wait...but just head, getting only and...face down, ass up. And never Lucifer. Please?"

"Lucifer?" I'll admit, that caught me off guard. I was sure we'd been over this before. Until that moment I thought she knew that's all I was going to get. Guess I wasn't clear enough the first time.

"That bitch I beat up the other night." Then it made sense.

"Oh, ew, God no!" Just the mental image of that chick was enough to make me cringe. "No competition there."

"Just against **her?**" Her eyebrow twitched in that adorable way it does.

"You already know the answer to that." I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at her.

"Do I?" She seemed so innocent in the way she said it, as if she was actually worried I'd leave her.

"Yeah, ya do." I growled, knowing and hating that I sounded more intimidating than I meant to.

Instead of answering, she kissed me lightly, opening her mouth just enough to let me in but backing away before anything else could happen.

"You never said okay."

"About the whole fucking other chicks? Woman, how many times do I have ta tell ya, you and me are legit. Sure, I'm gunna get one of 'em ta blow me, but," I leaned in closer to whisper the rest in her ear.  "Yours is the only pussy I get. Only one I want."

"Good to know."

I kissed her hard, leaving no room for doubt in the way I felt. I just hoped she understood. She wrapped her legs around me again and I couldn't help but let out a groan as she pressed herself flush against me. My hands took hold of her hips roughly, no gentle caressing. I don't know what comes over me when I'm with her that makes me act the way I do. Watching her sitting there on that sink as we rocked in time with each other, such a slow, glorious pace, I could see everything in her eyes. How she felt, how miserable she was going to be, how she wished that it were all just some horrible dream.

I just couldn't believe it when she asked if 'Lucifer', as the bitch was now named, was the only woman she didn't have to worry about. I thought I showed her everything she needed to know. So I took hold of her hips and slammed into her, I didn't know what else I could do. It ended up a little harder than planned but any concern about it washed away at the sound of her moan and the felt of her tight, wet heat around me.

"And I'm the only one that gets it." I ground out, effectively getting my point across.

That woman somehow broke through my carefully built walls, and for the first time in my life, it didn't matter how close she got. It almost scared me that I felt that way, but there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, what was I going to do, leave out on her own? She meant way to much to be able to do that, even if I wanted to. I had to admit, not being able to hold her at night when she was shaking and one of those damned nightmares popped up was going to be hard. More than hard. Damn near impossible.

To say I wouldn't be able to sleep would be the understatement of the year. But I couldn't focus on that when I was inside her, holding her quivering body so close to my own. Or when I could barely hear her soft whisper in my ear.

"No one else...is good enough anymore..."

It was enough to make me come right then and there; hearing her saying all she wanted was me. But I held on, determined to make this last, to have her this way for as long as possible before I'd have to leave.

I'd gone on runs before and had to leave her behind, but that was club shit, this wasn't. This was going to take at least a month, not three days. But it was I had to do if I wanted to keep her around. And that wasn't even a question. I felt like a love-drunk teenager, I just had to suck it up and look forward to the day I came back to get her.

It always amazed me how she got to the core of everything I did. It was as if she understood the reasons behind my actions without knowing much about my past. A pang of guilt tore through me. She shared almost her entire life story with me and yet she only knew about Will. Granted, that was a severely painful event for me, but still. I may not be the most open person in the world, but she deserved to know.

One hand on her shoulder blade, the other splayed over her lower back, I pulled almost completely out only to slide back in slower, deeper. The throaty moan that resounded through her panting lips made my knees buckle but I recovered quickly and trailed kisses from her jaw and neck to her collarbone to lick and suck the soft skin there. Once I was satisfied she'd be left with a reasonable hickey, I resumed the journey to the top over her heaving breasts.

I licked the right then the left and then ran my tongue between them, grinning at her shiver and biting gently. One hand moved from behind her to knead one breast as I suckled the other dusky nub into my mouth. Flicking my tongue over it, I couldn't help but moan when her hand found the back of my head, ran her nails lightly over my scalp, and pressed me farther into her. She let a groan escape her as her head fell back against the mirror with a thud. My eyes flicked up to be sure she was okay, but the flush over her flesh, her panting and the way she was clawing at my shoulders told me she was more than okay. She was close. I was holding out for her, determined not to come first.

"Come for me, Jay." I urged, hoping to get a reaction.

The shudders began and her eyelids fluttered closed but I wanted to see her as she came, wanted to see everything she was feeling, watch her at her most vulnerable.

"Open your eyes, babe, I wanna see." I ordered softly.

It was when out gazes locked that I realized that, while she certainly had other lovers, only Nate and I saw the burning emotion in her blue eyes when she climaxed. For a brief moment an swell of pride rushed over me with that knowledge only to be shoved away as her internal muscles clamed down around me and she called my name. It only took a few more thrusts for me to follow her over the edge, her name falling from my lips in a noise that sounded so strange, even to me.

Trying to catch her breath, she let her head fall to my shoulder and nuzzled the side of my neck.

"Damn, woman. How the hell could I fuck another woman after that kinda shit?" I muttered, combing through the tiny knots in her hair with my fingers.

"I dunno." She simply shrugged and clung tighter to me when I tried to move. "Stay."

"Shower." I more like grunted and carried her with me to the shower.

~x~

Sitting on the bed in jeans, a t shirt and my cut, I watched her step into her underwear and dig through her bag. After a few moments, she tore out those sexy-ass jeans with all the holes in them and shoved her legs in. She smiled at me then turned around and headed towards my backpack. I watched, confused, as she rummaged through, looking for God knows what. I couldn't help the grin that swept over my face when she pressed one of my black t shirts to nose and took a deep breath. Nodding, she began pulling it on. Under any other circumstances, I never would have walked up to her, covered her hands with mine, and helped with bringing the shirt over her head. And I never would have hugged her that way afterward. But they weren't different circumstances. She was here and I soon wouldn't be.

"I wish I could stay." She whispered.

"I wish you could too." I stepped back and caught her lips in a slow kiss that left me wanting more. "Come on, baby girl, I gotta go."

She stood in front of the group of brothers as I tied down my bags. I caught myself about to bend down again to grab her duffle only to remember she wouldn't be joining me. Afterward, I sat sideways on the bike; arms crossed, and stared at her. Half Sack same up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder, startling her and ending our staring contest. I stood as she shook him off and she started to back away.

"Hey, get back here." My fingers closed around her wrist and pulled her back to me. "I'm not leaving yet."

Arm around her shoulders, I flipped her around so she was facing the boys. I kissed her temple and looked over them.

"I want someone with an eye on her at all times. If that means Sack's gotta sleep on the goddamn floor, so fucking be it. If **anything **happens to her, I swear ta God..." I stopped there, letting the threat sink in.

I turned back to her after they nodded their understanding. She sucked her lip in between in her teeth and bit down. The way she was swaying back and forth and her fingers twitched against her bicep told me she was having as much trouble keeping the distance as I was.

It was all the confirmation I needed to bring my hands to cradle her face and bring her up to meet my lips. I could feel her hesitation as we made out in front of the boys, but I deepened the kiss, telling her it was fine.

I would have kept kissing her, just to memorize her taste and the friction between our tongues, but the need to breathe became too much and we were forced to break apart. Her arms around my shoulders, she buried her face in my neck and I could feel the damp heat against my skin. She was crying. I held her tightly to me, unwilling to let her go.

I nuzzled the top of her head, pushed her back just a bit, and cupped her cheek again.

"I love you, Jay. I'm coming back for you. I promise." I couldn't say it in a normal volume, so it came out sort of like a whisper.

"I love you too." The corner of her mouth twitched up as she wiped her face.

I kissed her again, not ready to accept that this would be goodbye for a long, long time.

"Bye, baby girl." I breathed then turned back to my brothers.

I nodded and raised my hand to them before mounting the bike and revving. I glanced at her again over my shoulder then sped off before I could change my mind.

Riding down the streets and taking those turns didn't feel the same as they did getting there. The back of the bike felt so…empty.

**Review. Please?**


	16. Doubts

**A/N: So, guess what? I'm back to updating; my inspiration as found its way back home. Meaning I'll be updating more often. It's a friggin' party, everybody! lol xD**

**I am REALLY sorry about not updating sooner, life has seriously been fucking around with me and my barely-sane mind. Juggling death anniversaries, missing friends, lying, dumbfuck boyfriends, backstabbing friends, and my pre-existing depression wasn't fun. Not to mention a raging computer virus. Pretty sure the world has it in for me xP. But I've found my self confidence again and back to my twisted-minded self. And now enough of my whining and onto the next chapter in Jay's life. Goddamn, I wish I was her.**

BTDUBS! Harley's story predates mine, therefore there is no possible way she could steal my idea. Just sayin' y'all. (And I didn't take their idea so don't even TRY to accuse me of that.) PLUS, the tats are different and Jayden has a much different personality, if you haven't noticed.

dumbfuck = a hasher word for dumbass

* * *

_"So I speak to you in riddles__, 'Cause my words get in my way..." Epiphany ~ Staind_

**Doubts  
**

I walked back into the Clubhouse after finally being able to pry my eyes away from the asphalt. Sighing I went to the kitchen and looked around to find something to put into my protesting stomach.

"Hey, glad you're back." Kip scared the crap out of me as he entered in behind me.

"Yeah, wish I could say the same." I pushed myself up to sit on the counter.

"Look, I know you're scared 'cause of happened last time-"

"You think that's what I'm upset about? I'm fully capable of taking care of myself. I don't know what your problem is with me seeing Happy, but whatever it is; you need to get over it."

"I just don't wanna see you get hurt. I know what he's like. If it were up to me, you wouldn't even be around any of these guys. I mean, yeah, they're my brothers but I know what they're like."

"I know about the guns, weed, booze and the women. Hap and I already had this conversation."

"Do you really think he's gunna keep to whatever agreement you two made? Honestly, Jay."

"Yeah, I do. There's a lot about him you **don't** know. Trust me, I've seen it. He's a very dedicated person."

"Yeah, that's overly trigger-happy." He rolled his eyes.

I hopped off the counter and stood in front of him, arms folded over my chest.

"And that's a problem? You **still **don't believe we're serious? I have the tattoo to prove it. And do you honestly think he'd say he loves me and then kiss me and promise to come back in front of you guys if we weren't? Are you that much of a dumbfuck?"

He only stood there, staring at me then the floor.

"Dammit, Kip. Tig was even there!"

And, just then, like some overly cliche movie, Tig walked into the kitchen. He froze in his tracks and got that deer-in-the-headlights look.

"What about me?"

"You were there this morning. When Hap left."

"Yeah...Oh, goddamn, Half-Sack. Are you still pissed about them?"

"Yeah." I answered for the curly-haired kid.

Tig shook his head and chuckled before looking back up.

"Kid, if the Killah wasn't serious, he wouldn't have done any a that shit."

And then he promptly walked off, forgetting whatever he came in to get.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're serious. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't."

He didn't look anywhere near convinced when I left him standing in the middle of the kitchen but that was his own fault. If he didn't want to believe that Happy and I had a good thing, that was his problem. If he wanted to let it bother him that much, he could go right ahead, I wasn't stopping him.

I made my way to our - fuck, no - **my** dorm to grab my gun and cell phone - there wasn't a snowball's chance in **hell** I was leaving the Clubhouse without either of those two.

Honestly, I had no clue what to do. I had the day off at the boutique, but I was seriously thinking about going in anyway. Gemma was...wherever Gemma was. The boys, minus Chibs and Kip, were working on anything they possibly could, being just as bored as I was. The Scotsman was busy trying to get Kip to focus on his training. Skylar was off...being Skylar. Lord only knows what kind of trouble she would be getting herself into.

Standing in the doorway of the Clubhouse, I watched the boys wander aimlessly around the garage. My thoughts wandered to Happy and what he thought of the whole situation. He was never one to share anything and this had been one thing he had kept **extremely **quiet about. Every time I tried, he shot me down. Sure, he viewed it as club business and therefore I shouldn't be involved. But whether or not he liked it, this was about me.

I sighed and made my way over to the ring where Chibs was talking to Tig while Kip jumped rope like a mad man. The Scotsman shook his head and flicked his cigarette at the younger man, causing him to trip.

"Give a lady a hard time." I barely heard him grumble.

"Shoulda known you'd run around gossiping like a fifteen-year-old cheerleader." The comment was pointed directly to Tig as I approached.

He stared at me then shrugged. "Yeah, prolly."

"Sack! Hit the bag!" Chibs bellowed.

I rolled my eyes at the two men and continued my journey to my car in the back of the lot.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I heard a voice calling after me.

"Out?" I answered, turning heel to catch Bobby following me.

"Not without one of the boys, you're not."

"Who do you suggest I drag along with me? Chibs is training Kipper, there's minus two. Tig's busy 'helping' Chibs. Juice is off with Skylar. Gemma's out doing whatever she does. Piney's at his cabin, Op's with his kids, Lord knows where Jax is, and Clay's off doing club shit, I'd imagine. So, unless you have another I forgot, that leaves you, and I highly doubt you wanna come along on a drive to nowhere." I stopped and put my hands on my hips. "And there's no way in hell I'm staying here, bored out of my mind."

"Where did you say you were going?" He groaned.

"I didn't. I dunno where I'm off to. Exploring?" I shrugged.

"Not much exploring to do here in Charming." He countered.

"Yeah, well, maybe I won't stay in town."

"That wouldn't be a smart idea."

"Why not? Club shit? If you haven't noticed, I'm exactly allowed to be in tune with all that shit, seeing as Happy doesn't talk and everyone else is terrified of him."

"Alright, alright. We'll go, but I'm driving."

"Ugh, fine." I tossed him the keys and rounded the car. "But I control the radio."

He made a "gag me" face but opened the driver's side door. I got in on my side as he started the engine and turned down the volume on the radio before it blasted out too loud when the car finally started up.

"Who the fuck is this?" He looked over me, a disgusted look painting his face.

"Evanescence. This song's one of their slower ones. I've also got Blink-182, Staind, Flyleaf, Airborne Toxic Event or a bunch of mix CDs full of random shit, if you'd rather listen to one of those."

That's when a louder song came up and he stopped complaining.

I had one foot on the dashboard, the other bent up on my seat, one hand on my stomach, the other between the seat and the door and my head lolled to one side , staring out the window when he broke the silence.

"He's not going to change. Killing's what he does, the only thing's he's ever known how to do."

"I never asked him to and I'm not waiting for him to. I don't care about that, I know what it's like to be in that position. I snapped but he's stronger than I am, he won't. And if he does, it'll be a lot harder to stop him. He just...doesn't talk. If I wasn't so good at reading people, I'd never know what's going through his head and half the time I still don't. It's like he doesn't trust me, he's still so guarded."

"You read him because he wants you to. He doesn't know how to tell you that if he could have, he'd have killed every damn Nord out there as slowly and painfully as possible for what they did to you. And that Kelly chick, she's lucky he only shot 'er. He'll have the time of his life finding out who else she was involved with. But-"

"Just because you don't want him to stop being what he was, doesn't mean he won't. He's already different. He's not as stone cold as you think." I blurted, turning to face him.

"We all thought he had a softer side he never let out. You bring it out. I couldn't tell you how shocking it was to see him carry you out of that motel without pure hate on his face, or to know he sat in the hospital with you for days, just to be there when you woke up. That being said, he's not going to surprise you candy or flowers on Valentine's Day or even give a shit about the holiday."

"Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday. It doesn't count. Hate that holiday, stupidest idea ever." I commented. "So, I don't care. I don't want him to. I'm not into that, I'd think you would've figured that much out by now."

"They all say that, they never mean it."

"I do, that's all that matters right now."

"That's all on your end, how do you know he doesn't want something other than you in a relationship, if he even wants one?"

"The fact that it's been this long, I have a tattoo, he hunted me down in Tacoma, sat with me at the hospital, the list goes on."

"But does it? The way you're acting, it's like none of it matters."

"It does, I just don't know about him."

"You just said the opposite."

"It's complicated."

"It's a typical woman reaction."

"Says the man who's been married how many times?"

"Exactly. You're afraid he's gunna leave you for a sweetbutt whore."

"No. That's not what I'm scared of. I know Kelly's people. They took me by surprise. Me. That doesn't happen."

"It's not gunna happen to your boy, I can tell you that."

He stopped talking for My Immortal to play and end.

"What if he misses it?" I blurted as we left town.

"Misses what?"

"The girls, the walls, passing out on the couch with a chick between his legs."

"Hap was never like that. If she offered, sure, but he'd never go out to find a chick to get laid. He's always been pretty indifferent about that shit. Closing off? Oh, I'm sure he hates being as open as you make him, but he won't stop. You've changed him, maybe not the way Clay and Switch thought you would, but you did. You've got them all on their toes."

"Whadda ya mean?"

"If you can change the Killer like that, ship away at the ice, who knows what else you could make him do? I mean, he'd do anything you asked him to."

"One: I wouldn't ask him to leave the Sons behind, if that's what you're implying. And two: he wouldn't ever do that, even if I wanted him to."

"Are you sure about that?"

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**Review please? I know you kinda hate me right now, but I should be updating again tonight or early tomorrow. Pwease, click da button? PWEASE? :O  
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	17. Here We Go Again

**A/N: So sorry about the wait, but what I have in mind for the next few chapters...well, you're all going to kill me by the end of the story... eeep! *hides***

**usual disclaimerr

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**Here We Go Again**

Waking up in the middle of the night, I ran across the room and into the bathroom, nearly tripping over Kip on my way. _Don't think Hap was serious about that one._ He sat up, groaning, and followed me over, standing in the doorway.

"So either you really have ta piss or…" He started while I heaved into the toilet.

I gave him a good view of my middle finger before trying the pull my hair back.

"Oh shit." Hurrying over, he grabbed my hair just before I puked again.

"Motherfucker." I gasped, sitting up.

"You a'ight?"

"Well, I'm puking my guts out, yeah, I'd say I'm perfectly fine. What the fuck do you think?"

"Maybe you should go see Tara…Ya know, her being a doctor and all…"

"No, I'll be okay…It's happened before. It's a period thing."

"That's not normal, Jay. I'm bringing you over in the morning. Don't even try to fight me."

"Fine. But I'm telling you, it's nothing." Then I vomited again.

I found it hard to fall asleep after that episode and even harder to wake up when Kip tried to drag my out of bed.

"C'mon. Tara said she can see ya, but ya gotta hurry up."

I groaned and rolled over, a mini heart attack hitting as I nearly feel off the bed. _Guess I'm even more used to the edge of the bed than I thought…_ Standing, I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom and a nice hot shower.

As the water flowed down my body, my thoughts wandered to Happy and what he was up to in Tacoma. He hadn't called since he left, not that I expected him to, but it was common courtesy, you know, let the girlfriend know you're okay, but whatever. He was probably too busy fucking some sweetbutt...though that'd be a knife to the heart, even if I did say it was okay. It would've been nice to wait a few days, but what could I expect?

"Hurry up!" Kip called through the door.

"_Shut_ up!" I yelled back, just finishing with my hair.

I didn't bother with make-up or trying to look anything more than decent, chances were I was just going to have a puking fit again later anyway. Though, the strange thing was, that even though this was normally a period side effect for me, I hadn't gotten it for a few months. That may have not been a surprise earlier, because of the birth control, but when Happy left a week ago, I'd stopped taking it - there was no need.

I nearly fell asleep on the back of the bike since Kip obeyed the speed limit and there wasn't any point in hanging onto him for dear life. Even being used to being awake at odd times, I still felt exhausted, stumbling off the bike once we finally got the hospital.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just really fuckin' tired." I nodded to the concerned biker.

The second we walked through the door, Tara ushered us to a vacant room.

"You want me to stay...?" Kip, hesitant to leave, rocked on the balls of his feet.

"Nah, it's a'ight."

He paused for a moment before turning heel and sitting in the hallway.

"So, Kip said you woke up throwing up last night?" Tara started as a take a seat on a hospital bed.

"Yeah, was crazy. Got the sudden urge to wake up and when I did, I ran to the bathroom and started puking my guts out."

She gave me a weird look before continuing. "Well, I'm gunna run a few tests. Including one for pregnancy," She held up her hand to stop my objection, "It is possible, and if it is that, I wanna make sure everything's going okay with it. How long since you had your period?"

I sighed, no point in arguing. "Spotted last month, but that's it."

She only nodded.

x.X.x

After all in-clinic tests were finished, Tara sent a nurse out with blood samples for their lab to test.

"They shouldn't take more than a day, you can go home, if you start vomiting again, let me know."

I nodded and left with Juice, fingers itching to grab the phone and call Hap.

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I had thought about calling her when I got back to the Tacoma, but hearing her voice would have made it harder to stay here. So, I had just thrown my stuff into a corner and passed out on her side of the bed.

Then, a week later, while I was working on some beater car, my phone vibrates in on the metal shelf. Not bothering to check the caller ID, I picked up.

"Hello?"

_"Hey, babe, it's me..." _Relief flooded me as I heard Jayden on the other line._  
_

"Oh, hey, how're you?"

_"Well...uhm...That's kinda what I called to talk about..." _She trailed off._  
_

"Everything okay?"

_"I don't know. I had another puking fit last night..."_

"Aw, shit." Backing up, I leaned against the driver side door of the car.

_"Yeah...Kip got worried and brought me over to the hospital...Tara sent off a few tests, I should know what's up by tomorrow..." _I couldn't help but notice the shaking in her voice.

"Alright...call me when you get the results."

_"Of course.." _There was a pause where she had obviously shifted positions wherever she was. _"Uhm, Hap?"_

"Yeah?"

She let out a deep breath before she continued. _"Tara said there's a good chance that I'm pregnant..."_

I felt my heart skip a beat and, for a minute, forgot to breathe.

_"Hap? You still there..?"_

Shaking my head, I finally got to responding. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here."

_"I don't know if that's it, I just thought I should let you know..." _She reasoned, her voice some childlike, so scared.

"Okay, well, if it is, we'll talk about it then, a'ight?"

_"Okay..."_

After looking around to be sure no one else was around to hear, I spoke. "Hey, it's gunna be okay. It'll all be fine, I promise."

_"I know...Uhm, I gotta go, Kipper's dying to get back..."_

"A'ight, well I'll talk to you tomorrow, then. Bye."

_"L-Bye." _And with that, she hung up.

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**So click dat purtty button! :D**


	18. Fate

**A/n: usual disclaimer.**  
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**ps. sorry about taking a while, but I'm no longer a babied freshie. Sophomore year = more work.. so if i don't updated every day like i used to, it's cuz I'm caught up in the horrors of high school. and trying to get other work of mine published...so...yeah. sowwy D:**

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**Fate**

The call hadn't come that night, only worrying me further. With a racing heart, Kip and I returned to the Clubhouse after lunch and a impulse shopping trip. Neither of us bought anything, but it took my mind off the situation.

Sleep hadn't come easy that night either. Kip and I lied awake all night, talking occasionally, and I could tell he was as anxious as I was.

Morning came too soon, as I woke up, I realized Kip had been up long before me. He sat on the floor, showered and dressed, leaning on the dresser in front of the bed.

"You know he's not the father type." Kip had to ruin my fragile peace of mind.

Sighing heavily, I sat to face him. "I know, and I'm not exactly the mother type. I hadn't planned on this happening. If I say it may not be that, I'm in denial, I know that. But I'm not excited about it. Honestly, I wanna be sure, and see what he has to say about it...If that mean aborting, well, that's a conversation for me and him."

"I just don't want you getting caught up in something that's gunna hurt you." He ran a hand through his hair.

I plopped back down. "I don't wanna either. I just don't know what to do if that's what it is. Hap's not gunna want a baby, I know that. But I'm against abortions and how can you adopt out a baby when you've spent nine months with it? I'd be a terrible mom, but I don't think I'd be able to do that...Not with knowing what it's like to be abandoned..."

"Well, I don't what to tell ya, except you better pray you ain't knocked up."

"Amen to that. But praying isn't gunna stop it. And you know I can't have the kid then leave. I have no where to go and if I did, y'all would hunt me down."

"Probably. If you could get past the front door. Hap would never let you leave. Preggers or not."

"God! This blows."

"I know. But we'll find a way through it." He paused for a moment before continuing. "If you are and you do have the kid, do I get to be uncle?" He chuckled.

"Sure. You can be Uncle Kippers." Shaking my head, I laughed out, but inside it still ate at me.

A knock on the door startled us both, him jumping back and hitting the dresser while I just sat up.

"What's the password?" I called, gaining an amused snort from Kip.

Without answering, Tig barged in.

"You." He pointed to the prospect. "Get to work. Enough with the tea party."

Kip just groaned and tipped his head back, hitting the dresser with a soft thud.

"Hello to you too." I commented, finally getting up. "Ya know, you should be more polite to me."

Rolling those blue eyes at me, he turned to face me. "Why? So you can go fuck with Hap's head some more?" With that, and one more sharp look flashed to the kid and then me, he left and slammed the door, leaving Kip and I staring after him in bewilderment.

"The fuck?" He was the first to speak.

"I have no idea..."  
For a moment I stood frozen. What if Hap had done something back home...something completely out of character, something that could cost him his spot at the table? _Shit. _

And, of course, that was when my phone decided to ring.

"Oh shit!" I blurted, twisting and turning in every direction, trying to find the damn thing.

Seeing it on my nightstand - on the other side of the bed - Kip rushed over to it, knowing he could grab it faster.

"Hello?...Yeah, sure, hang on." He held it out to me. "It's Tara."

Sighing, I took my cell from his hand. "Yeah?

x.X.x

My entire body ached the next day, anxiety at the max. Out of the seven times my phone rang the entire day, not ounce did Jay's name show up on the screen. For a Friday night at the Clubhouse, everything seemed so wrong. Sure, there was the party like always, but I couldn't be bothered with the loud music or barely-dressed girls. All I could focus on was my phone in my pocket and the bottle in my hand. Beer hadn't been nearly strong enough, but the sweet burn of the usual Jack hadn't comforted me in anyway.

Leg twitching against the coffee table in front of me on the couch, I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, trying to clear my head. A finally-sobered Gage had found some intel on Kelly's band of cut-throats and a possible location for their "base." That's what I had to focus on. But my thoughts were too fuzzy...unless they had to do with Jay.

I knew she didn't want a kid, and Lord knew, I could never in a million years handle being a father. But I couldn't force her to get an abortion or adopt out if she didn't want to, which she wouldn't...It put us both in a more than difficult situation.

"Hey there, gorgeous, can I get ya another beer? Maybe a better night?" Some red-head decided she could plop her bony ass on my knee. "I see you cut that psycho outta your picture, good choice, bet she wasn't as good in bed as I am."

"She's not out of any picture." I growled, shoving her off.

"Oh? Then where is she?" She sneered.

"None of your damn business."

And that's when my phone finally rang. Pushing the sweetbutt away from me, I answered instantly, not checking the ID.

"Yeah?"

_"Hey..." _The voice I'd been waiting all day to hear sang from the speaker.

"Hey back. You get the results yet?" I rushed to my room so I could actually talk to her.

_"Yeah...Uhm...I don't know how you're gunna take this...Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it..."_

"Jay. Just spit it out."

She took a deep breath before continuing. _"Hap...I...I'm pregnant..."_

I felt my chest tighten, my throat close, leaving me to stagger back into the wall. "Are they sure?" I barely managed to choke out.

_"Yeah...W-what're we gunna do...?"_

"I dunno, I really don't."

_"What do ya wanna do about it...?"_

"I...I'm not ready for a kid, Jay. I can't be a dad. Shit." I ran a hand over my face. "I don't know what the fuck I want. What about you?"

_"I..." _She sighed. _"I don't know. I know you don't wanna be a father, and I don't really like the idea of parenting either...but I don't like any other option..."_

"Just...don't do anything yet...Wait until I get back, so we can talk about it. Face to face."

_"Okay... "_

"We'll get through this, alright?"

_"Yeah..."_

"Everything's gunna be fine." The second the words left my lips, I realized: it wasn't her I was trying to convince.

_"I know...I love you..."_ The last few words came out in a more than hesitant whisper.

"Love you too."

_"I-I gotta go...Bye.."_

"See ya."

I stayed on the line until I heard the click.

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**I realize a lot of you don't like the idea, but PLEASE, just wait and see what happens. Promise? oh, and click da pwitty button. :D**


	19. And I Give This to You

**A/N: fixed the wording errors in the last chapter, I really shouldn't be writing that late at night…oh well. Uhmdauhm…usual disclaimer…not much left to say...

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_"I walked into your house this morning, I brought the gun from our end table, your blood was strewn across the walls, they'll find you on your bathroom floor when I'm done...you should have killed me when you had the chance." You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance ~ A Day to Remember_

**And I Give This to You**

I stared at the phone for a while after she hung up, trying to make sense of it all. My back against the wall, I slid down to sit on the floor, knees bent and hands on my head, Jayden's shaky words running through my mind. As much as I hated the thought of being a father and through all the shit I've done to people, I could never force her to give up her baby. I'd have to talk to her once we both had some time to calm down.

A knock on the door sent my head snapping in its direction and my brain away from the grey-eyed girl I'd somehow left in Charming.

"Hap, let's go." Switch's voice called.

With a frustrated sigh and a slam on the wall, I compartmentalized and stood, the infamous cold and unreadable expression tattooed along all features. I opened the door to simply stare at him, waiting for him to explain.

"We got word that the girls are movin'. They're headin' outta town." He shoved a shotgun into my hand. "You, me, an' Koz are cuttin' 'em off. Gage an' Flame'll meet us later."

Nodding, I backed into the room, opened the top drawer on the dresser, and grabbed Jay's second gun. She may not have been able to kill the bitches herself, but at least she'd have the satisfaction of knowing the bullet came from her gun.

x.X.x

Sitting on the outskirts of town, we headed toward the middle of the street the second that black van approached. As it screeched to a stop, Gage and Flame came up from behind while Switch and I stalked the front, guns in easy reach. The driver's eyes grew when she realized who we were. Switch pulled out his .45 as I yanked open the door and jerked the woman out of the car, throwing her on her knees at the side. The side door opened in an attempted ambush but Gage stood with his boot on the driver's back and shotgun trained at either of the other women.

"Move an' I blow yer head off." He growled, Flame tossing him a roll of duct tape.

After we'd typed up the girls, Switch, Gage, and Flame stood in front of the van while I sat in the driver's seat.

"You two," Switch pointed at them unaware that I could hear every word, "in the back with the bitches. Make sure there ain't any funny business. If they try anythin', knock 'em out. We give the honors to Hap, got it?" The boys nodded and climbed in the van.

The ride to the warehouse remained silent in the front, the only disruption from one of the girl's fussing around. A thud caused by Gage shoving her into the side of the van solved that problem.

The warehouse really wasn't ours, but it was on our turf and belonged to the not-so-lovingly called Band of Bitches, so we decided it was a good enough location to carry out our dirty work. 

Once there, we dragged the now-blindfolded girls, two of which were now knocked out, through the door. I taped the driver to the pole in the middle of the room while the boys tied the other two in a corner.

"Where were ya headin to?" I started, approaching the woman at the pole, who was now standing.

"Fuck you." She spit.

I let out a low chuckle as I rounded her and ripped the cloth from over her eyes. "All I want is a few answers. Then, maybe if I'm feeling nice, I'll let you and your friends go." It was a flat out lie, but I didn't show it. Years of doing this exact thing taught me, you say what you have to in order to get what you want.

"Fine. What ya wanna know?"

"Where were ya tryin to get to tonight?"

"Some town in Cali."

I nodded, acting almost satisfied. "Why?"

"Why the hell does it matter to you?"

I grabbed her tied wrists from behind and pulled her back into the pole hard enough for it to hurt. "You're not the one asking the questions here." I growled, spitting on her shoe. "I am. Now, you're gunna give me the answers I want, or I'll make this extremely... uncomfortable for you."

"You won't kill me," she gasped for breath, trying not to give away just how much pain she was in from the metal, "you need me. Without me, you'll never get what you want." 

A cruel laugh escaped me as I spoke. "Bitch, I don't need you, you'll just make my job a hell of a lot easier. Now tell me, what the fuck is in Cali?"

"Business."

"Don't gimme that shit. What business?" I jerked her back again, farther.

"Some bitch. A lot a bad blood between her an the boss. Shit! Stop!" She let out a small cry.

"Name. I need a name."

"Boss said she went by Jay or some shit. Said she was some ex army bitch. That's all I know. We were supposed ta get rid of 'er. Wipe 'er off the face of the earth."

I had to suppress the growl rising in my throat as I simply nodded. "How'd ya know she was there?"

"Again, why do you care?"

I jerked her back, hard, the metal pole ramming into her spine, and growled in her ear. "She's mine. Saying in that letter you weren't afraid of me..." I chuckled darkly. 

"You damn well better be."

She gulped, her eyes growing wide. "Shit..." She cursed under her breath.

"I hear that a lot." I rounded her again, standing in front of her, legs shoulder width apart, arms crossed. "You bitches fucked with the wrong chick."

Her eyes frantically flicked around the room, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, speechless.

"So, ya best start talkin, and spittin out all names of your contacts."

"I...I don't know any of 'em. Kelly always handled that shit."

"Bullshit."

"I swear, man! I don't know! I just took care of transport, I swear to God! I wasn't intel!" She begged and begged.

"Keep beggin', it ain't gunna save you." I growled.

"Please, I gotta little brother who needs me!"

"And I gotta knocked-up girlfriend ta take care of. Shoulda thought about that before."

She fell silent for a moment. "She's? Kelly never said anythin' 'bout…" She mumbled to herself.

Rolling my eyes, I pulled the gun out. "Then you're of no use to me." I pressed the barrel of Jay's gun to her forehead.

She closed her eyes and took a breath as I pulled the trigger.

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**Sorry for the delay, schoolwork, ya know? anywho, press the pwitty button? doo ittt! Or I disappear for a loooong time :D**


	20. Too Easy

**A/N: Bleh. Hate schoolwork. anywho, next chapter should be coming either tomorrow or Thursday. :D

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_"Sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence. Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong. Familiar breath of my old lies." - Sorrow ~ Flyleaf_

**Too Easy**

I simply watched the body slump forward and strain against the duct tape. Growling in disgust, I stared at it for a moment, then jerked my head toward it. Flame took his cue and cut the tape, dropping the body to the floor, face first with a heavy thud. He and Gage then hauled her into the far corner to be dealt with later.

"Which one you want next?" Koz questioned, standing over the two girls; both were still unconscious.

Shrugging, I prepared for the next interrogation, shaking off the irritation of the last one. Koz dragged the woman to the pole and taped her to it. This one had shoulder-length, brown, hair, the bangs barely covering a black eye that seemed only a day or so old and stood drastically shorter than I or any of the boys, a head or more lower than even Jay. Smelling salts from Switch's "bag of surprises," brought the bitch back to cruel reality. She groaned as she woke up and shook her head.

"What's going on? Who are you? Where's Sarah?" She looked around frantically.

"What's going on? I'm gunna ask some questions, you're gunna answer them. Don't worry about the rest." I was sure to keep my calm and nice enough.

"Okay…" She eyed the boys and me carefully.

"Let's start off with who gave you that black eye?" I tried to sound concerned as I pushed the hair from her face, exposing the nasty bruise.

She turned her face away, anger flaming in her eyes. "No one." She snapped.

"Obviously someone did it. Might as well tell me who." I backed from her calmly, as if it was just another conversation. "Was it Kelly?"

She shook her head.

"Then who was it? I can help you." I internally gagged at the possibility.

"Bullshit." She spit.

"Alright, fine. Then I need something from you."

"I don't work for free."

"I offered to help, you refused. Not my fault."

"I don't care. I don't work for free."

I growled and stepped toward her. "You mistake me for a nice guy. I'll get the answers I want, whether or not you wanna help. You talk and you get to live longer. You keep that pretty mouth of yours shut and I'll kill you in a heartbeat. It's not what'll give to you, but I won't take."

Her eyes widened but she didn't say anything.

"I need the names of your contacts in Charming. Start talkin'."

She took a moment then laughed. "You won't kill me."

"That's what your friend said. My gun says otherwise."

Green eyes met mine, testing my will.

"Ya want proof?" I challenged.

"Yeah. I do."

I nodded to Koz, who pulled the body to a more visible area.

"Oh my God…" She grimaced at the sight.

"Now look down." I growled.

When she refused, I tangled my hand in a fistful of thick, brown hair and forced her to come face-to-face with the dark pool that stained her tennis shoes red. I yanked her head back to look at me. Her eyes feel to the floor, unable to meet my harsh gaze.

"You wanted to know where your friend was." I sneered. "Don't expect me to take it easy on you just 'cause someone likes ta smack ya around."

She growled at the mention then broke. "I don't work intel. That's Claire's job. I work with the money." She sighed and dropped her head. "Well, I did. After Kelly died, everyone went ape shit. A few decided to stay on that Jersey bitch. But then girls started droppin' dead. Some wanted to stay with the cause; others abandoned it completely. Based on this, I guess you're the one who killed 'em all."

"What I've done isn't any of your business."

"So you did." She sighed. "I don't know where the deserters went, they scattered. The three of us are the last of the crew. And I don't know names or locations for contacts. Like I said, that's Claire's job."

I nodded. "You seem like an honest enough person."

"When I'm offered the right amount."

Grinning cruelly, I pulled Jay's gun from my belt. "That makes one of us."

Her eyes grew as she lifted her head. "You said you'd let me live!" She protested.

"Live longer. That's what I said." I pointed it at her chest.

"This is bullshit!" She struggled against the duct tape hold her to the pole. "You bastard!"

"I've heard worse." I cocked it.

"You swore!"

"I lied." With that, I ended her pointless fighting.

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**pretty disappointed in the review turn out. xP I'm hoping to get back to regular updates, even if I'm staying up til three in the morning. So, PLEASE! hit the pwitty button! :o**


	21. The Deed is Done

**A/N: YAY! fast update! bahaha like I said, I'm trying to get back to a regular, fast-paced schedule. :D

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"_Don't put your life in someone's hands, their bound to steal it away." Get Out Alive ~ Three Days Grace_

**The Deed is Done**

"Love it when they're easy." Koz chuckled as he and Flame dragged the second body to join the first.

I glanced at the blindfolded woman now sitting up, alone and pissed.

"Stop!" I barked to Koz and Flame, before they brought the girl to the pile. They, along with Gage and Switch, came towards me, leaving the body, following the jerk of my head. "This one's gunna be the tough one." I explained. "So, move the bodies in plain view of the pole, let 'er know we're serious. Piss 'er off enough and maybe she'll let something slip."

The boys nodded and went along on their way, except Gage, who's arm I caught, and Switch.

To Gage I continued. "Keep the blindfold on 'er. Take away all control."

He nodded and made his way toward the woman.

"What ya got planned for this one?" Switch crossed his arms.

I snorted, unloading the gun.

"You're not goin' easy on 'er, are ya?" He eyed me carefully.

Grunting, I dropped each bullet into my pocket, the clinking of metal on metal echoing in the room.

"I know these bitches piss ya off, but ya gotta remember, this ain't just about revenge. It's 'bout gettin' names, too."

I looked up slowly and growled: "I ain't killin' 'er 'til she gives me what I want. Those bitches didn't know shit. I could tell. Maybe you couldn't, but I know how ta do my fucking job."

"I'm not sayin' ya don't, but I know how ya get when ya want revenge. Don't want it cloudin' your judgement. Ya gotta be clear headed for this, Hap."

I didn't dignify him with an answer, just took my place behind the woman taped to the pole. Her hair tapered at the nape of her neck, exposing the beginning and end of a deep scar that probably ran across her throat. _She's definitely the tough one._

"I can hear you shuffling 'round out there." She called.

"I couldn't care less." I kept my voice low and dark as I approached, letting each footstep land heavily so it echoed around her.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Names." Moving closer and right behind her, I began slowly reloading the gun, letting her hear each bullet as I shoved it in the magazine.

"Well, the name's Claire. Then there's Sarah and Katie."

"I already know those names." The tone of my voice let her know that I had been expected some smart-ass answer.

"Then which names ya want?"

"Your contacts in Charming."

"I got news for ya, buddy, that ain't happenin'."

I let a cruel chuckle escape my lips as I put the gun to her ear and cocked it. "And I got news for _you_: you're in a warehouse, the last one left alive of your people. They were lucky I'm good at what I do. Didn't hurt 'em. Well, 'side from the hole in Sarah's head and the bullet in Katie's chest."

Her breath caught in her throat. "You're lying." She bent her leg back and thrust it out in an attempt to kick me, but it was easily dodged and countered with a forceful yank on her bound wrists.

"I'm actually not. But there's no point in arguing. Tell me what I wanna know and I'll let you see your friends." As I spoke I sent Switch a glare for moving around along the back wall.

"Not good enough." She tested.

"That's all you get." I lightened my tone just enough to sound aloof without changing the dark undertone.

"No deal." She did her best to shrug.

From behind, I put my lips to her ear and pulled out my knife, running it down her back. "You don't have a choice."

"I'm not afraid of you." Her words contradicted the chill following my blade.

A grin formed on my lips as I chuckled darkly in her ear. "You sure about that?" It came as a sinister whisper.

She only nodded.

This time, instead of going to her, I wrenched her arms back, bringing her to me and her back into the pole. "You should be." I let even more of the hatred and anger I felt for her paint the tone, using a lower pitch and higher volume.

She shivered again and though she said nothing, I could see her jaw clench and small beads of sweat form along her brow; she was close to breaking. It always amazed me how far a blindfold and voice manipulations could go in ruining a person. And that's just what I did: whittled her down to size; made her realize that she wasn't among good men.

"You ready to talk yet?" The question was sneered and impatient.

She swallowed hard but it didn't help the quivering in her voice when she spoke. "Fuck you."

"Who sliced you?" I rounded to the front of her, tracing the scar on her neck with my knife. From experience I knew, bringing up strong memories could easily cause someone to slip up. "Looks like they got ya good." I mocked her, enraging her, knowing I could outlast her.

"That Jersey bitch." She spit.

"You mean Jayden Powell." I corrected harshly, sliding the blade between her breasts and down her stomach.

"Do I look like I give a _shit_ about 'er name?"

"Watch your mouth." It came out in more of a guttural growl than statement as I pressed the blade into her, just above her hip.

She tried to hide her wince and opened her mouth to speak but clenched her jaw again when I dug it in further.

"Contacts. Now." I demanded.

Gritting her teeth, she remained silent, only to let out a small cry when the blade pierced her skin.

"There's only so much pain the human body can take. Start talkin' or we'll find your limit," I pressed my lips to her ear again, "and bring ya there over and over and over, 'til you're beggin' me ta kill ya."

Her breath came in fast, heavy spurts, her whimpering turning to primal grunts as I began to cut up her abdomen, the blade tearing and pulling at her flesh.

"Your will won't outlast mine. It's amazing what a determined man will do."

A scream escaped her when my knife hit an already open wound. "Okay, okay! There's a black notebook in my backpack! Ah, God, stop! It's in the van. Jesus Christ, stop!"

I sent Gage and Koz to get the book. She struggled against the tape only to find that it was too tight for her to escape. I just laughed at her vain attempts for freedom.

It only took the boys a few minutes to find the book and bring it back to me. Flipping through the pages, I read a few names and locations here and there, noticing some that we'd already taken care of. Those names, along with many others, were crossed out with red Sharpie. One name, however, caught my eye.

I saw red, rage boiling the blood in my veins. My death glare at the page didn't do anything to change the hastily written letters nor did it relieve the clenching of my heart and twisting of my stomach.

"Son of a bitch." I growled under my breath.

She shifted her weight, reminding of the task at hand. I ripped the blindfold off her face to let her see her two dead companions. Her eyes widened but she said nothing.

"Is this all the names?" I demanded, still somewhat distracted.

"Every last one…"

I nodded and turned from her. Without looking, I pointed then gun behind me and fired, the bullet landing in her stomach. As she slid down the pole to her knees, Switch moved to finish her. The glare I sent in his direction stopped him in his tracks. His face told me all I needed to know: everyone in that room knew not to get in my way, they all were afraid to make a move without my consent.

Rounding the pole, I pulled my knife out again and pressed it to the beginning of the of her neck scar.

"Shouldn't of fucked with my woman." I snarled my lips at her ear.

"You're–"

"The father of her baby? Fuck yeah. Shoulda left 'er the hell alone."

I never gave her the chance to respond before I slit her throat.

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	22. Confused

**A/N: Heyheyhey. I updated. hehe. already working on the next chapter, so...it'll be up soon. :D**

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"_Don't threaten me with what you think I feel, if you could read my mind, you'd be in tears" Heartless ~ A Day to Remember_

**Confused**

"Find somethin' ta short out. Burn this place down, make it look like an accident. Cops in this part a town won't bother wit it." I quickly instructed Flame before barging out of the warehouse and into the parking lot.

"What the fuck was that about?" Switch roared from behind me.

He'd always been easy to get along with and a likable guy. Until you pissed him off. I threw a look over my shoulder at him but didn't say anything.

"No. I'm not gunna go away and leave ya alone. I let ya have control in there but now ya gotta explain yourself." He growled, spinning me around to face him and shoving me into the side of the van.

"I don't have ta explain shit." I snapped.

"Yeah, ya do. I'm still in charge 'round here. You ain't the ring leader. Maybe ya forgot, but ya don't run this town. I do."

I only glared at him.

"Goddammit, Hap. You gotta tell me what's goin' on. Don't gotta go inta detail, but I need ta know the basics." His tone changed, softened. "Ya can't blindside me wit shit."

I shifted and stared past him.

"It's the girl, isn't it?"

It wasn't the question so much as the sharp tone that sent my eyes snapping to meet his in a cold stare.

"Of course it is." He rolled his eyes, voice even more demeaning.

"The fuck is that supposed ta mean?" I growled, stepping forward.

"She's fuckin' wit your head, Hap. Ya haven't been the same since she came 'round. It's the Meg situation all over again. Get rid of 'er."

I'd had enough with him, I grabbed the collar of his cut and got in his face. "Don't ever mention that bitch. An' don't you **ever **compare Jay with her. I don't give a **shit** if you're my president, I'll have ya laid out so fast ya won't have a chance ta blink."

His eyes grew as he pushed me off. "That's exactly what I mean." He murmured, straightening out his cut.

"Ya wouldn't get it." I shook my head and kicked the van.

"Get what? The fact that she's got **you, **the killah, whipped as all hell?"

Growling, I stepped foward. "Name one time I wasn't able ta do my job. One. Fucking. Time."

I knew he wasn't afraid of me, but he knew better than to cross me without proof, knew I wouldn't hesitate to take him down. The man just stood there, staring at me.

"There's not on goddamn time."

"We all heard what ya said 'bout a baby, Hap. Did ya think ya could hide that? Get rid of it. We all love the girl, but she's bringin' ya down, messin' wit your head."

"I never question you or your judgement, never refuse a job. So what's the goddamn problem?"

"You've changed." He held his hand up to cut off my objection. "Whether or not ya think so, ya have. You've gotten soft on us, man. But if anyone says anythin' 'bout 'er, ya go fuckin' apeshit."

"And Fay didn't change you? Ya used ta be just like me, 'sides the hair and ink. You'd point your gun at anyone who looked at ya wrong, never let anyone else take the reigns 'cept Clay. And even then, you'd still fight it. Now look at ya. Ya can't even bust my balls in front a the boys."

"This ain't about me."

"What happened wit that last bitch wasn't about Jay."

He cocked his head, waiting for me to explain. Instead of speaking, I flipped to the last page in the notebook and shoved it in his face so he could see the highlighted name. Glaring at the letters, he snatched it out of my hand.

"What the fuck?" He growled.

"Exactly."

"Where the hell does he get off..."

I nodded. "Ya remember the feeling of adrenaline, don't chya?" I just couldn't help but send one last jab.

He flicked his galre to me then back to the book. "We gotta tell Clay 'bout this."

I nodded again. "I gotta call Jay again anyway."

He rolled his eyes and groaned. "For what?"

"After church. We go shit ta talk 'bout."

"The baby, ya mean." It wasn't a question.

I shrugged. "And other things."

Leaving it at that, I opened the driver's side door of the van while Flame, Gage, and Koz filed quickly out of the building.

"Ya finished in there?" Switch questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh huh." Flame flung himself into the van, Gage and Koz close behind.

Not wasting any time, I started the van while jumping in as Switch ran around it, knowing that if Flame running, we should be too.

x.X.x

Being the only one besides Tara to know about the pregnancy, Kip had refused to let me do anything but sit around, sleep, and eat, so I sat at the bar, alone, half asleep, and listened to my ipod. I wasn't far enough along to show or even have the slightest baby-bump, though my abs were nearly invisible now.

"Hey there, lazy ass." Gemma chuckled, walking into the Clubhouse, running a hand over my shoulders.

"Apparently, I'm not allowed to leave." I groaned, turning my ipod off.

She laughed. "the kid being overprotective?"

"Very." I stretched.

She sat down beside me and quirked an eyebrow. "I'm used ta seeing ya with a beer, not a water bottle."

I picked it up, eyed it, and shrugged. "Not really feeling the alcohol, I guess."

"You haven't been at the parties, either." She sized me up.

I just shrugged again.

Sighing, she placed a hand on my forearm. "How far along are you?"

I groaned again, resting my forehead on the bar. "Couple months."

"Does Hap know?"

I nodded. "Him, Tara, Kip, and now you."

"You can't hide anything from me." She smiled, "but your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks, Gem."

"Of course." She paused for a moment. "Are you gunna keep it?" The question came in a hushed tone, as if she was afraid to know.

"Don't know yet...He wants ta wait 'til we can talk face-ta-face ta decide..."

"You want it, yes?"

I sighed. "I dunno, Gem...He's not that type a guy..."

"Who's not what type a guy?" Tig's intruding voice barged into the conversation.

My eyes grew as I stared at Gemma, trying to figure out a cover.

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	23. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Okay, I know I haven't updated in forever. But I don't plan on giving up this just yet, even if my Muse isn't very cooperative right now. I have a few versions of the next chapter written, but I'm not sure which I like or which road I want to go down. So, I figured I'd put a poll up on my profile and see what you all think about what I should do. I have an idea of what I'll be doing, but I will be taking these votes into careful consideration. The poll is currently open, and I'll let you know when I close it. Make sure you vote; I want to know what you all have to say. If you don't like those options or you feel real strongly about one, either review or pm me. Your opinions matter to me, so, seriously guys, let me know.

Thanks, and sorry again for not updating, please don't hate/mob me D:

Love y'all,

Ash


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